September 2007 Archives

I'm tired of candy coating and being all "politically correct" about this issue, so I'm just going to come right out and be an asshole. You've been warned:

If you cannot speak clear English, do NOT call in prescriptions. Yes, I'm calling you all out: STOP FUCKING CALLING IN PRESCRIPTIONS IF YOU HAVE A THICK ACCENT. PUT DOWN THE FUCKING PHONE, AND EITHER FAX OR GET SOMEONE WHO SPEAKS CLEAR ENGLISH TO CALL IT IN.

Do you know how fucking frustrating it is to have to have a 'nurse' repeat him/herself about 20 times because it all sounds the fucking same?

Now I'm not saying that you aren't smart, or capable, or a bad person. I'm making a statement of fact that when lives are on the line, pharmacists need someone who can speak clear English when calling in medications. I'm tired of this happy-go-lucky huggy embrace everyone society that we have now that just looks the other way when some un-educated foreign drone calls in 20 Rx's that all sounds like vowels on my answering machine. I'm sorry, but stop it. Get someone who can speak English to make that call. Me calling you back to "confirm" is not only a waste of both of our times, but 100% unnecessary if it was done correctly and clearly in the first place.

You think I'm being an insensitive racist asshole. You're right, I care about my patients, and my state license/livelihood/my patients life is riding on your piss-poor language skills coupled with a 'degree' from a 3 month community college program. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, welcome to the world of medicine. I'm sorry if you cant help your accent; doesn't mean you need to change jobs, just don't call in Rx's. They don't let retards fly fighter jets and you don't see them getting butthurt by this.

So pony up and accept it. Drugs sound the same. Obviously you don't know this because you are still calling in Hydr-vowel-vowel-bok-bok-bok and require an interrogation session for me to determine if you mean HydrALAzine vs HydrOXYzine, TopROL vs TopaMAX, BID vs TID, etc etc etc.

This doesn't stop at nurses, oh no. Pharmacists and Doctors are just as bad. If I request you to fax over that copy, and you are "too busy" and want to give a verbal, I'm just going to come right out and say that I want it faxed because I can't understand what the fuck you are saying. I pressed "1" for English bitch!

So yeah, I'm an asshole. However I'm an asshole not because I hate you, or your race, or where you came from. I'm an asshole because you don't seem to get the very clear and very important concept that you lack a very vital language skill that puts not only my patients life on the line but my license and store as well. Medicine requires clarity or people get hurt, you should of learned that in school. Sorry for fucking caring for the whole at the expense of insulting a few.

Oh, you know when I said I was sorry up there? I lied. I'm not sorry. I shouldn't be sorry for standing up for patient safety when nobody else seems to have the balls to confront this issue (and make people upset? Oh no!).

I have a legit question. You may comment anonymously, use a fake email and name, however you wish. I'm not going to go running off taddling on you all for answering this question, I am legitly curious.

How do you price your medication? I'm just curious how the chains do it vs the independents. Do you take like "AWP + Dispensing Fee + %age?" Or "Direct Cost + Disp Fee + %age?"

It seems like the price of generics fluxuate between pharmacies to bargan basement (independants) and ass-rapeage (Walgreens/Rite-Aid). Do the chains just accept pricing from the corp office or do they have some say (such if a patient has like $10 for atenolol, and the price is like $11.50, can you lower the price?)

Turns out that Walgreens Health Initative (http://www.walgreenshealth.com not Walgreens the Retail Outlet. Same Bat-Time, different Bat-Channel) decided to do a "system upgrade" on a Monday that resulted in downtime all of Monday and Tuesday.

Gee. You would think that with their bazillions of dollars they are making (since they pay us retail folk jack-and-shit) they wouldn't be down for a whole 2 days. Furthermore, you would expect that they would do a "systems upgrade" at like 2am on saturday morning when all sane pharmacies are closed.

But no, I had to deal with a huge stack of claims that needed to be billed today because WHI screwed the pooch and decided to take themselves out of pharmacy gene pool for a whole 2 days.

Sorry this isn't very angry'ish. However I will leave you with a bit of fun information. Take your usual Gin and Tonic. Now instead of drinking it right away, put a slice of cucumber in it. Now sip and taste the wonderfulness. Some chap from Australia dropped me that note, its magical.

I swear, sometimes this website just writes itself. I wrote this a while ago, but you guys have already picked out all the choice material in the comments by the time i got around to post it. :(

I have been in medical sales for my entire career, ten of those as a drug rep. I am a professional woman, I dress professionally, and hopefully I bring decent information to the doctors and pharmacists that I call on.

"Decent" information would include unbiased information.. So you bring propaganda, because you have a desired outcome the moment you walk in the front door..

Drug reps are not prostitutes, nor have I ever "sucked anyone's...." to get business. I have never been out on a date with a doctor. I seperate business from my personal life.

Oh jeezus. Wear a net over your head so maybe you'll understand one of my many jokes.

Did you really think that I thought drug reps were out giving doctors blowjobs and lapdances? Seriously, it was a metaphor, a figure of speech to mean that they were selling themselves and preforming "favors" in the way of pens and free dinner/goodies in return for something, in this case writing for the product that you are pushing. It was a creative and descriptive way to say "bribe" or "kickback". Its not really prostitution, because the doctors aren't paying YOU for your services, its the other way around, so its like reverse prostitution, prostitution^-1, or noitutitsorp (thats prostitution backwards).

Now if my made-up example was correct, and there were drug reps out giving blowjobs in return for writing for their product, then I'm in the wrong damn profession. ;)

Two things are going on here and I know that you are just going to slam me but I will say it anyway. Normally I find your blog funny, as I do have a sense of humor. I too think that the industry as a whole needs some repair.

True, and I'm glad you have a sense of humor. I do too, and if you think I treat drug reps in my store like I rag on them on here you are mistaken. I dont care what they have to say, but i've never crumpled up a business card and thrown it at them screaming. I just smile and nod as I'm up to my neck in Rx's and answering the phone. As they are reciting their little speech about how wonderful the next $400 wonder drug is, I say "oh really?" and an occational "uh huh, wow!". But to be honest I dont really have time to sit there and grill them.

But maybe, just maybe, you have interviewed for a position as a drug rep, and you just don't cut it? So you are disgruntled? There is alot more to being a rep than throwing out pens, ect. I will put my knowledge of the 4 drugs that I sell up against any MD or Pharm any day of the week.

Oh, yeah... I couldn't make it as a drug rep so I decided to be a pharmacist instead. You know, because I am incapable of knowing 4 drugs yet somehow capable of knowing all of the major classes, the disease states, the mechanism of action, and everything else that goes into being a pharmacist. Head, meet desk.

You can put your knowledge of the whole 4 drugs you know against my knowledge of not only those same drugs, but the treatment plans for what they treat, their mechanism of action, what patient population you can and cannot use (based upon how its cleared), AND who covers them.

Dont compare your knowledge of 4 whole drugs against an MD and think you're some hot-shit or something. Anyone can walk circles around them in pharmacotherapy-land much like MD's can run circles around me quoting excerpts from 'Harrisons' and diagnosing Wierdo-McButtfuck-Syndrome. So I'll say this: Maybe YOU tried to become a pharmacist and couldnt cut it so became a drug rep instead.

You and the docs have to somewhat know the PDR

PDR?!?! HAAAAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaa....... *gasp* HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA*snort*AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAAAAA!!! PDR!!!! Oh fuck! Somewhat?!! HAAAAAAAAAAAA HAAAAAA!!

That quote right there just completely blew your whole argument right out of the water. The PDR is shit. Any pharmacist who uses the PDR needs to be publicly drug out into the parking lot and shot. Pharmacists use books that manufacturers dont PAY MONEY to have put in there. We use Facts & Comparisons, Lexicomp, or any other REAL pharmacy reference (Remingtons for the hard core old timers out there! Go big green book!). We pay big dollars for our reference books. We also use pubmed to get journal articles (you know, those pieces of paper you give to doctors in the nice binders printed on glossy paper with the big words and weird looking graphs on them). Pharmacists use unbiased sources and draw their own conclusions using the available data, its what doctors should be doing as well.

, we have to know our products.

You dont know your product, you recite what the mothership has brainwashed you with. Did you take pharmacology? No. Did you go to college to learn about therapeutics and treatment standards? No. You got the pharmacy cliff-note version of "here is what you need to know". Memorizing numbers and figures and fancy acronyms for studies that spell out things like SHIELD and stuff.

Or maybe, you are a fat,ugly nerdy type with no personality, and a good looking woman ( drug rep or not ) will not give you the time of day?

Well you are a poo-poo-head dummy butthole. I'm taking my wagon and going home because you called me names!

Actually I (and im sure most of the people on here) wish that no drug rep would give us the time of day. And how can you say with a straight face that I have no personality! Look at what I write on here! I have talent!

Because your anger towards women in general comes out loudly.

Because every comment about drug-reps I make involves women? Hate to tell you, but most MD's that actually listen to your bullshit are men. Plain and simple. For some reason the women doctors around here dont really care what you have to say and I get far less DAW-1's and your silly drug-rep stamps from the women then I do from the men. Plus most if not all of the female drug reps (and I see a ton of them) are really hot. I can talk about the male drug reps giving.. uh.. lapdances? to the female doctors? yeeaah.. with his low cut pants?... uhhh.. suuuuure.... doesnt really have the same effect, sorry.

But you're right. I hate women. I'm only engaged to one, and work with a whole staff of them for 9 hours a day. Does it count if I beat them with my belt? What if I make them worship me and call me "Your royal angryness" (that sorta has a nice ring to it)... "A new Rx on line 3 your royal angryness!"... "Yes your royal angryness, I shall get you the tramadol 50 and count thee 60 of them"... "Your royal angryness, there is a woman here who says her vico-dans were flush down the privy. What shall we do with her sir?"...

Give me a break, seriously.

Normally I laugh at your blog, but your anger has taken a dark turn towards people who are just like you, trying to make a living in an increasingly difficult world run by insurance companies.

Ever think that maybe the company you work for is part of the problem and not the solution? Wonder why insurance is so damn high now days? You think the insurance companies like your little speeches to change everyone from a product that costs them $5 to one that costs them $200? I realize you are making a living selling something, but its just that, selling something. You are a salesmen, not a consultant but a salesman. Quit acting like you are a consultant to a doctor/pharmacist (or part of the treatment "Team") and start acting like the commercials I see on TV.

And one more thing, as you rail against people and their habits or addictions. Alcohol is an addiction too...you just are able to buy it in any store..so when you talk about your drinking in relation to the people that you despise with addictions to rx-meds, perhaps you need to look in the mirror?

If I give a liquor store owner both barrels because I drank my whole bottle of scotch in 3 days when it was supposed to last a month even though the directions say "1 glass at bedtime" then yeah, I expect to be bitched about. I don't rail on them for being addicts, I rail on them for being so dense and oblivious to the stupidity they inflict upon the world then giving me both barrels thinking its all MY fault. Am I out selling my booze that I got for FREE on the state dime? Do I lie and make up stories to the liquor store man so I can buy another bottle?

Later TAP.

Thats TAP(tm) (I know the angriest is watching). Are you really a drug rep? Or is someone playing a joke on me. Seriously, for someone who has been a drug rep for "10 years" i expected something a bit more.. uh.. realistic?

I am one of those drug reps that you hate see walking through the door but I have to ask a serious question. Do you think that generic Coreg is equivalent in efficacy/tolerability to the branded Coreg? Also, since there will be 14 potential manufacturers of generic Coreg, will they all have the same effect? Hasn't there been alot of difference with the generics for metformin? Maybe not? I would like serious responses because if generic Coreg is as good as the branded then that will be great for your customers. They will be getting the best beta blocker at an affordable price. How about the patients that switch from branded Coreg or Coreg CR to the generic? Do you see any problems in regard to potential decompensation of their CHF? I know post MI and HTN patients will be different but the CHF patient is a little more vulnerable. Also, how about the patient who has the same co-pay or a little higher for branded or generic- would you recommend that they switch to generic? This personally happened to me when I got a script filled. I have the same co-pay and I was given a generic without being asked. Wasn't happy about it so asked for the branded that the doctor wrote on the script. Thanks for your serious reply.

I love it when drug reps use big words! Its so cute! But seriously, I dont understand how you can believe the stuff that GSK pounds into your brain and you extrude out of your mouth.

Lets just say that I love generic Coreg. Seriously, just absolutely love it. If I could have sex with the bottle I would. Why?

Ah, I love it when I get hate mail from other pharmacists. After reading this over, I mostly agree with him/her (surprisingly). Though I dont think CVS wants this persons name attached to what he/she wrote.

1) You don't have the staff to handle the load from mail order pharmacies if they disappeared tomorrow.

You meaning me personally? No, you have me there god dammit. If every mail order place closed and they all came to /my/ store, then I guess I'd be up shit creek without a paddle. So would you. Thats sorta like saying "If someone drove a car through your front room, you'd be upset". Pretty much a big "Duh" there.

2) I get one of my meds via mail-order, because I got tired of paying 3 copays when I could do 1 instead. I'm not an idiot for doing this.

Then don't bitch when your patients jump ship and do it to you. Of course I see that you take gifts from drug-reps, so that says something. At least you had the common sense to throw out the DAW-1 forms when the Coreg vultures came circling pushing Coreg ER. I did the same thing too, but I didn't get any loot from them. Actually I told them they were a bunch of liars for pushing Coreg just months before, but suddenly going against all they told me once the generic came out for $5 per 100. Amazing how all those studies just aren't worth dick if the drug company that paid for them isn't making a $100+ profit from each Rx that I fill. Thank you Mylan for making generic Coreg so inexpensive.

Working in a pharmacy Im surprised you even have to pay copays for your medication. Even I dont have to pay the $25 copay on my medication. :)

3) You bitch and moan about "kickbacks". Sounds to me like you're a whiney independent pharmacist pissed off because you don't have the economies of scale that a mail order house does. (And neither do the big chains, incidentally.) Since you're throwing out some pretty serious accusations, you should offer some sort of proof. But since you're full of shit on this particular point, you can't. Go ahead, though, I'll wait to see what you come up with.

Now everyone knows that nobody is safe from The Angry Pharmacist(tm). I always wonder why I never get featured in Drug Topics or any other pharmacy magazine that pharmacists read while taking a dump. I guess I'm too hard core (or use bad words way too often) to be in any cool magazines. :(

Oh, yeah, mail order pharmacies.

Lets just say that I hate Mail Order Pharmacies. Plain and simple. If you work for a Mail Order pharmacy, seek a career as a prostitute or maybe a Drug Rep or something. My hatred is from a multitude of colorful points that every retail grunt knows:

This entry is going to piss off some people. You've been warned, this is 'the angry pharmacist(tm)' and we know that we cant be angry without painting people/society/your mom with an extremely large overbearing brush. I also had a few beers after a long and frustrating day at work, be warned, be very warned. The hatred is flowing like the DrugNazi's scotch.

You get an Rx for some prenatal vitamins. You pull up the patient by name and 14 year old comes up. You realize "shit, I must have the wrong person". Then you realize that the 14 year old in front of you is indeed pregnant. The parents stand proudly by as happy as can be. As said before by the DrugNazi, "You turn the dials behind your eyes from stun to kill, but they just wont work" (or something to that extent).

Some of you out there would feel sorry for this poor girl. Some of you would feel happy for this girl. I, for one, think that I'm filling an Rx for the stupidest human on the planet. Why feel sorry for her? Pregnancy isn't some virus that swoops down like the flu and afflicts people without discrimination. It requires a conscious act between two individuals. Whats even more frustrating is that its not hard to get birth control these days! So the only reason why these kids are getting knocked up is due to laziness!

If someone comes into my store and wants condoms, and says "yanno, do you have any free ones, I really cant afford them" I'd throw them a box right there on the spot. In fact, we have a stock of free condoms that anyone can take that are furnished to us via the county! You just have to ask! Girls (because they aren't women, they are in fact girls, deal with it) can go to any clinic and get some free birth control. What provider is going to turn down a 14 year old who wants birth control because she is sexually active? One that obviously doesn't have any foresight of whats going to happen. Even in the age of HIPAA/parental consent police/cover your ass/etc it doesn't require an Rx or anything for girls to get condoms!

People use the excuse that they are too shy or afraid to ask for these things, they don't have the transportation to get these, they don't have an education, they "don't know better" (whatever the fuck that means), etc. Put that on the very top of the list titled "Not my fucking problem". These kids should NOT be having sex if they aren't prepared for the consequences. End of story, write that on my fucking tombstone.

Some girls at 14 might decide that they want a baby. You know, to be a 'grown up'. They may think they can 'handle it' or some bullshit like that. Way to rationalize a big fucking lie. No girl knows what they want at 14. In fact, having a kid at 14 pretty much screws over your chances of doing anything productive with your life. Actually, if you do something productive with your life after having a kid at 14, it means that you weren't being a good parent and putting your child first!

Lets not leave the guys out of this. They may use the "i'll be there for you baby" lines, but when the shit hits the fan (or the girl gets incredibly fat during/after pregnancy) we know who's on the next bus to the nice piece of ass that comes their way. I'd trust a vicodin addict to watch the store while I get some lunch over a 14 year old boy who says he's going to be a 'good father' to his 14 year old baby-momma.

It boggles my mind how a 14 year old can get pregnant. I cant even put myself in their position as to how they would think having sex without being prepared for the consequences would be somewhat of a good idea. Sex is a very well known cause-and-effect thing. Its not like they "didn't know she was going to get pregnant". Sorta like using a chainsaw not knowing that it can actually hurt you. Brain + Penis = bu-buy.

Plus the parents, being so proud that their little baby is having a baby of their own. They need to be hit with a 2x4. Maybe they are just delusional, or seeing the silver lining of a very black looming cloud that tore their daughters future limb from limb. I could see if the child was 18, or 19, or 20. Hell, as long as the child is old enough to drive her ass to the pharmacy for her free Tylenol and pediacare. 14? Come on. Look how your daughter is dressed, no wonder why she got knocked up! Seriously, 14 year old girls are not people, they are property. They are property that YOU are responsible for. You may think that your little girl having a baby at 14 is cute and fun, but the huge glaring fact is that your daughter just screwed the pooch in the life department.

So people are going to ask me "Well, say my daughter was stupid and got pregnant. What do you think we should do?". Obviously murdering your daughter (and the penis she rode in on) is out of the question (heh). This isn't a place for me to get on a soapbox and spray you all with my political and moral opinions (even though I just sorta did, oops). All I can say to this question is "Do what you have to do to insure that this child (if she decides to have it) gets the best damn upbringing that you can manage and have it turn into a success story, not another unproductive member of society". Thats not really out of the question is it? That should be what every mother and father years for when they have children. Key word here is "Should".

Now I realize that there are plenty of success stories from people who had their first child at 14, and I'm sure I'm going to be up to my neck with hate-mail calling me an insensitive asshole. People will question why I am a pharmacist since I'm so full of hatred and bitterness. To those people I want to leave this parting line:

She is 14, she did know what she was doing, and don't say that it was not her fault because no matter how you slice it, it is. She has every right and power to not have this happen, but she didn't due to laziness or stupidity. Personal responsibility. Learn to deal with it and keep it in your fucking pants. Just because you like to flush your future down the toilet over an orgasm doesn't mean you need to leech funds allocated to help people who didn't have a choice what cards they were dealt in life.

Heaven forbid me to be the personal responsibility police pissing in your cornflakes and telling it like it is.

Usually I get a few bitches a month about my Clomid + Medicaid rant. About every other one is written by a complete idiot. You make the call as to which one this is.

Are you stupid? Welfare and Medicaid are NOT the same. We're not bums. WQe work. Medicaid is to help those who cant afford the high costs of insurance. So you're saying someione who is dissabled and on ssi or welfare or medicaid is a bum?? Get your facts straight dummy. And you shouldnt be a pharmacist.

Oh yay! Where should I start:

Mike sent me a comment regarding the post about the Certainties part Duex and hot chicks walking into your store.

For once, I am without words. His comment speaks for itself.

Don't forget about the downward crotch stare from the drive-thru window while you're pretending to be concerned that they've retrieved everything from the drawer!

However, with each of these methods there are risks.... Not only of being caught, but of getting a different view than you expected! The 'over the monitor' trick fails when the apparent hottie gets close and you realize that she's an original AARP recipient..... and her ID number is probably "12". Then there's the 'down the shirt' fiasco when the nice rack is so saggy when she leans over that they rest on the counter like two overfilled water balloons stretching from gravity. But the nastiest is the 'drive-thru crotch shot' when the thighs look like an interstate road map with all the blue and red vessels..... Or worse yet, the bulge you happen to spot is too big to be cameltoe or a winged maxi pad.... And you realize you've just waited on Dragzilla!!!

I have no more to add other than I think my testicles just shriveled up and fell off.

I just wanted to comment/elaborate/etc on a post made by the recent post by theDrugMonkey about the "Heather" of insurance companies.

For all of those too lazy or stupid to click the link above and read DrugMonkey's post, "Heather" (as he called it, so they shall all be dubbed "Heather") is the person on the other end of the phone with the insurance company who doesn't realize that shes riding an emotional atomic bomb down upon the healthcare system. She usually has a nice voice, and has been working for Satan a whole 2 days. She has no idea about the perils of health care nor that her employer managed to get about 4.5 billion ID cards issued with the wrong group number.

I, like the DM, feel horrible for these people. They are the human shields of an industry who cannot help but piss on their own shoes while shitting on all of the people who make up their paycheck. They sound happy on the phone, but you know after a few months of being screamed at by doctors and pharmacist (over something they did not setup, have no control over, and really have no say in to make it better) they stare down at the empty bottle of burbon and wonder why in the fuck do they put up with this abuse. They then look at their kids and realize they are taking one for the team so their kid could have a good life. They refuse to go on welfare or fake a work comp or disability like everyone does.

So it pains me to be upset when I hear Heather's voice on the other end. I know its not her fault that her employer is retarded, or that the wrong ID number got printed on the card. I know that if she ran the world everything would probably work smoothly. Shes there to pay her rent and buy herself food. She is probably going to college or basically cant get a job anywhere else. Here we are screaming at them for something that they have absolutely no control over just to vent our frustration. Are we any better than those asshole doctors who scream at us because expensive-drug-x is $900?

So next time you're all fired up about WellCare not having the right ID number, and you hear Healthers voice on the other end, think of this post and realize that its not Heathers fault. She's there to do a job much like you are and probably goes home and rags on pharmacists like I ran on Drug Reps.

(Yeah, I realize this post isn't full of hate, bad words, sexual talk or anything like that. It just sorta struck a nerve that I'm sure lives deep down within all pharmacists. I'll try better next time. Fuck insurance companies and drug reps..There.. All better.. :-) )

With my earlier rant about how hard it is to read doctors' handwriting, you would think that everyone would just jump on the ePrescribing band-wagon and fix this problem. I've ranted before about the horrors of ePrescribing and choosing the wrong medication, now heres something else that isn't really thought-out pretty well.

Forgery.

Thats right, that nice little fax you get from the doctors office using their spiffy new ePrescribing software. How can we be sure that its a real or a phony? To forge a hard-written Rx, you need to steal a pad, write your drug, write the sig in pharmacy shorthand that wont send off any red-flags, wipe your butt on the signature line (to get a realistic looking signature), and hope the pharmacist is too busy to realize a glaring error you made.

To forge a fax over Rx, you need to obtain the computer generated paper copy (which most doctors office will give you to), scan it, and just use photoshop or some other program to fill in whatever your heart wishes, then just fax it over. Nobody is going to be looking for an ePrescribing phony, so it shouldn't send off any red flags. There is no "signature" only something stupid like:

James D Doofman MD
Signed via secure terminal

Thanks mr "Signed via secure terminal", that really makes me feel like it makes this legit. Other have a little digital signature that looks like an inkjet printer threw up in a little text box. As if that's going to stop people from using a xerox machine and some tape. "Secure Signature" thwarted.

ePrescribing has taken one huge factor that makes forgery difficult. The human handwriting factor. All of us 'know' a doctors handwriting or writing habits. The out of town or new doctors that we don't recognize we call on. ePrescribing takes care of that. There is no human element to Rx's now days. Everything is generated by a computer, the same type of computer that you are reading this entry on. The same computer that can be infected by viruses, taken over by hackers, and is 100% reliant on the person sitting in front of it to not click on the wrong space or hit the wrong button.

I could just as easily now take one of the 1000 rx's that I receive on a daily basis for narcotics via ePrescribing, use a copy machine, Microsoft word, and some tape, and send out forgeries that nobody would give a second thought to. In fact, I would be really surprised if someone hadn't made a web page that will allow you to fill in your name, address, pharmacy name/fax, and what drug you want (via easy click menu!) and have it auto-fax it to the pharmacy of your choice. I'm sure it would be very trivial to make, and pharmacists wouldn't even suspect it to be a phony (maybe a mistake by the doctor, but not a phony).

So whats the solution? Easy, doctors need to know your pharmacist and pharmacists need to know your doctor. If you deal with one doctor on a frequent basis, invite him/her out to dinner or drinks after work. This applies to doctors to. You deal with the same pharmacy day in and day out? Go out for a beer or cocktail after work with them. Don't give me this whole "I'm too busy" bullshit. All it takes is for that pharmacist to save your ass from one DEA investigation (because your dipshit office staff infected your office network with a virus, and every computer-literate crackhead now has full ePrescribing powers right under your nose) to make a few drinks a month/year completely worth your time.

I love how we toss out a system of Rx writing that has been working perfectly fine for hundreds of years to a system that has been out for 5 that our licenses and practice rely on. Way to go.

This particular certainty needs its own section, because its true no matter what. I know my fiance' is going to murder me when she reads this. This applies to the single male pharmacy population.

Hot girl walks into your store. Usually they only make themselves noticed during the dead of summer when they are wearing nothing more than a bra and panties. You're swamped with work (as always) but a quick nudge by your male tech next to you grabs your attention. The transition from a hot summer day to a very cold A/C'd pharmacy makes things.. Uh.. noticeable. You try to keep your mind on work, but you cant seem to keep your eyes off of the hot piece of ass standing there at your counter. You do the whole "look over the top of the monitor" trick to make it appear you're working and not checking her out.

I know all of the females are going to get upset, but hey, its instinct.

She hands you an Rx, you punch her central profile up, and the certainties start flying:

Every store has these (amazing how often I use that opener, i'm really on a roll lately).

The unwashed, unlaid, fat, lazy, mouth-breathing pervert. The one who comes into the pharmacy as all of your female front-end girls make a bee-line to the break room. The one who would rather hold a conversation with a pair of tits or an ass than to a face.

I love it when these guys come in. Absolutely love it.

First off, they waltz in with their beer-guts hanging out over the front of their way-too-tight shorts. You would think that after 45 years on this planet you'd learn how to dress yourself. At this point, almost in unison, all of the girls spin around and give me a deer-in-the-headlight look. I return their look with a huge grin and an anticipation as to what he is going to say.

Obviously there is a reason why guys like these have never touched a breast (consensually) or ever gotten laid. Be it their lack of body hygiene, or just the absolute lack of tact in the way they present themselves. Example:

Now to all of the ladies out there; as you may or may not know, there is over 20000 years of hard-wired instinct that reflexively makes the eyes of males go south to look at your fun-bags. Now most guys will admit that looking at your taters without getting caught is a fine art, not so much unlike looking into the sun. You take quick glances, and know when enough is enough. Since most of the time the women are wearing low cut tops, you expect this, and life goes on. Its like taking a few grapes from the supermarket to see if they are ripe or not. Everyone does it, so no big deal.

These guys however will have an entire conversation with your tits. Their eyes are glued to your snack-trays like watching out for a snake is going to erupt from your cleavage and bite them in the neck. Why am I so amused? Because its extremely funny to see what the girls do in response to this. Most will just button their smock, some will shift positions or play with a necklace. Its like watching the mating rituals of a 45 year old virgin on National Geographic (well, without the saggy boobs).

After a few min's of polite attention to the tops of your boobs, they ask for their prescription. Then comes another 10 min of small-talk to the tops of the puppies and away they go. Lysol fills the air shortly thereafter, and the girls all chatter as to how disgusting he is.

The perverted (read: desperate) females are even better to watch. They come in wearing an outfit that leaves nothing to the imagination, and start up a conversation that you feel you should pay $1.99/min to continue. The old saying rings true: Like an old dog-turd laying on the lawn; the older women are, the easier they are to pick up. Now I'll admit, if you took care of yourself in your youth, you can look really good by the time you hit your 50's. However the ones showing off the goods are the ones that really shouldn't. Usually the front end staff look at each other, look at us in the back, and try not to laugh as the women strut their goods that have long exceeded the expiration date. I usually just shake my head, stare at the computer screen like I'm really busy filling their premarin, and hope they don't ask me any questions about what sort of substance is oozing out of their vagina.

Uh, I'm confused.

People are all up in arms because of an angry (*gasp* No! Me? Angry?) post about The Angriest Pharmacist's Site and how its name/slogan is/was so close to my own.

People have been writing about Legal Options among other things. Lets look at this:

Dear Doctors,

I know you are out there. I read your comments, approve them, and usually treat you pretty well on here. I have a small request from the pharmacy community in general. I hope you take this request to heart and please comply.

Please buy a god damn stamp with your Name, DEA, NPI and any other license information you may have. Buy 100 of them, put them all over your office/coat/etc and use them on every Rx you write.

You see, although us pharmacists are pretty good about deciphering your scribble regarding medication and sigs, our Achilles heel is your name. When you dont print your name, and just leave chicken-shit scribble as your mark, we tend to get upset. Trying to get "Dr Joseph Smith" from a signature that looks like 2 year old scribble is frustrating. Usually we can use process of elimination and get a few letters, look up the patients profile, and match that way. However all bets are off on hospital discharge papers because there are a bunch of you there who really don't see the patients there, so we have to guess. I know thats unsafe, and you get really angry at us when we call for clarification or your name ends up on something that its not, but its your own fucking fault. I don't wipe my ass on refill requests and try to get you to decipher my name from that now do I?

So please please PLEASE get a few stamps and use them. If you don't see this as a problem, then don't get pissy when your name ends up on Rx's that its not supposed to.

Thank you.

-The Angry Pharmacist
Patron Saint of Retail Pharmacists

There are some things that go on in a pharmacy that are set in stone like the sun rising in the morning. Pharmacy school should publish this list for their students. Seriously, its all true. Lets examine a few:

So it turns out that someone is trying to ride on my coattails. I realize that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but a line has to be drawn.

I don't really think that I'm pissed off that this douche decided to start a blog to capture what the DrugNazi and I do, but that he wasn't even creative enough to give himself a recognizable name.

No, I'm not related to the AngryPharmacist. I don't know him. I’ve never even exchanged pleasantries with him. I did happen upon his site and loved it…so, I semi-jacked the name. If you read both, you'd know that our content is quite different, as is our writing style. God forbid two different entities start up similar 'services' about/providing the same thing. Damn you Coke and Pepsi. Piss off MSN and CNN. Go to hell Cingular, Verizon, Sprint, and US Cellular.

You didnt semi-jack the name. You basically took my domain name, added -iest on it, then claimed it as your own. Our content may be different, but our domain names arent. This isnt like Coke and Pepsi. Coke and Pepsi have two /different/ names that cannot be confused with each other. Compare that with angrypharmacist and angriestpharmacist and I hope you'll see what i'm talking about. If not, then take both names, cross out the letters that are in both names, and what remains is the extent of your creativeness.

Ranting and raving from the one of the world's most trusted professionals…the *Angriest* of Pharmacists!

Can you fucking think of anything yourself? Not only did you totally rip off my idea, my domain name, but now my site slogan? Amazing how similar that is to "Rants from the most trusted profession".

Am I telling you to shut down your site? No.
Am I angry at you for totally copying my shit? Sorta.
Do I hate you? No.
Will I poke fun at you forever? Hell Yes!
Do I think you have the creativity of a turd baking in the sun? Look at your domain name and slogan and tell me.

Beware angriestpharmacist, you are riding on some pretty burly coat-tails, and a lot of eyes are going to be on you just waiting for you to screw up. I hope you are up to the task and have a damn good sense of humor.

Its the first day of a new month after a three day weekend. For those of you not in the profession, this means hellish busy for us retail folk. It also means that I'm stressed out, fucking pissed off at the world, and about ready to chuck my phone handset at some idiots face for calling me 100 times asking me if his vicodin is ready. Yes, I'm writing this at work. I'm taking a breather so I dont end up murdering someone with my bare hands in the store.

This brings me to a big pet peeve of pharmacy, the needy patient. Anyone who is worth their salt in retail knows exactly what i'm talking about. Usually needy/clingy patients arent a big deal, unless they decide to come in during one of these hell-days.

All pharmacists dont mind getting asked and answering questions. Its part of the job, and to be honest we love answering a good question that the public may have. We have medical knowledge that the public does not, and really its why people love us the way they do.

However some people take our generosity and good nature to extremes. I call these 'needy patients' becuase they are just that, needy (and 'fucking pests' doesn't sound as nice).

They are the ones who think that everyone is incapable of taking down refill numbers but you, and will sit there on hold for 1/2 hour waiting to talk to you (and you only) just to give you 6 numbers that any moron could write down.

They come into the pharmacy and wish to talk to you and you only. They will sit there and hover at the counter (refusing to take a seat) as you have Rx's flowing out of your asshole just waiting to talk to you. When you finally talk to them (thinking its some really hard question or concern) you find out that they wish to ask you questions just to hear themselves talk. Like if they should take their lisinopril with or without food (even though they have been on the medication for 10 years). The restraint to not rip their faces off and shit down their gaping hole depends on how busy you are.

These patients are incapable of wiping their own asses without calling you for advice. They have somehow trained themselves to be totally incapable of basic care needs without consulting you, their PERSONAL pharmacist. Some people might be flattered by this and think that I'm just an asshole; I want to see those people deal with a needy inconsiderate dickwad blabbing to them over the counter while they are up to their nutsacks in work as 20 other people are screaming at their rx's are taking too long to fill.

To make matters worse, these patients somehow think they are better than everyone else just because they know you by name. They will bust to the front of the line with their plastic baggies full of medication, and ask that you fill them first because they are "in a hurry". Like watching a retard sitting in the rain, you dont really have the heart to tell them to get in fucking line, so you just put up with it. Know what happens when you let a retard into your house during a rainstorm? You get a retard on your doorstep during EVERY rainstorm. Sometimes being kind earns a turd in your punchbowl.

Then they start treating your staff like shit. Stuff like demanding that they put you through when you are hold with a doctors office, being rude and inconsiderate in the process. They feel that YOU are their personal pharmacist, and you should answer their every beck and call. They will catch you in a moment of weakness and manage to get your home phone number. They will call you at 2am to get that Rx for their blood pressure meds filled becuase they were 'too busy' to stop by the pharmacy during the day and are out.

They have zero consideration for your feelings or your job. They will walk all over you not out of anger, but out of sheer stupidity and lack of foresight that they are being a pain in the ass. Yet we put up with it out of the sake of the profession.

All pharmacists have patients like these, and during days like today, the urge to tell them to leave you the fuck alone grows beyond the level of control that our profession has ingrained upon us.

To all the pharmacists that are reading this after a hellish day of work, I salute you.