Every store has these (amazing how often I use that opener, i’m really on a roll lately).
The unwashed, unlaid, fat, lazy, mouth-breathing pervert. The one who comes into the pharmacy as all of your female front-end girls make a bee-line to the break room. The one who would rather hold a conversation with a pair of tits or an ass than to a face.
I love it when these guys come in. Absolutely love it.
First off, they waltz in with their beer-guts hanging out over the front of their way-too-tight shorts. You would think that after 45 years on this planet you’d learn how to dress yourself. At this point, almost in unison, all of the girls spin around and give me a deer-in-the-headlight look. I return their look with a huge grin and an anticipation as to what he is going to say.
Obviously there is a reason why guys like these have never touched a breast (consensually) or ever gotten laid. Be it their lack of body hygiene, or just the absolute lack of tact in the way they present themselves. Example:
Now to all of the ladies out there; as you may or may not know, there is over 20000 years of hard-wired instinct that reflexively makes the eyes of males go south to look at your fun-bags. Now most guys will admit that looking at your taters without getting caught is a fine art, not so much unlike looking into the sun. You take quick glances, and know when enough is enough. Since most of the time the women are wearing low cut tops, you expect this, and life goes on. Its like taking a few grapes from the supermarket to see if they are ripe or not. Everyone does it, so no big deal.
These guys however will have an entire conversation with your tits. Their eyes are glued to your snack-trays like watching out for a snake is going to erupt from your cleavage and bite them in the neck. Why am I so amused? Because its extremely funny to see what the girls do in response to this. Most will just button their smock, some will shift positions or play with a necklace. Its like watching the mating rituals of a 45 year old virgin on National Geographic (well, without the saggy boobs).
After a few min’s of polite attention to the tops of your boobs, they ask for their prescription. Then comes another 10 min of small-talk to the tops of the puppies and away they go. Lysol fills the air shortly thereafter, and the girls all chatter as to how disgusting he is.
The perverted (read: desperate) females are even better to watch. They come in wearing an outfit that leaves nothing to the imagination, and start up a conversation that you feel you should pay $1.99/min to continue. The old saying rings true: Like an old dog-turd laying on the lawn; the older women are, the easier they are to pick up. Now I’ll admit, if you took care of yourself in your youth, you can look really good by the time you hit your 50’s. However the ones showing off the goods are the ones that really shouldn’t. Usually the front end staff look at each other, look at us in the back, and try not to laugh as the women strut their goods that have long exceeded the expiration date. I usually just shake my head, stare at the computer screen like I’m really busy filling their premarin, and hope they don’t ask me any questions about what sort of substance is oozing out of their vagina.
- Paying the PBM’s to service them.
- Im dreaming of a Crackhead Christmas.
- SOMABOTS, TRANSFORM!
- A pharmacist example for non-pharmacists.
- Trying to not kill your patients.
- An open letter to my patients.
- The FDA obviously hates the public and needs to lay off the crack pipe.
- How to make your pharmacy career less painful.