Translated Drug Rep Speak

You will only find this here at “The Angry Pharmacist(tm)”.  It is a smuggled document from the headquarters of a training facuilty (the drug company shall remain nameless) about how to train drug-reps.  This is the secret code! Lets take a look:

  • Doctor, can I speak with you for a min about a new product?
    • Translation: Our patent has ran out on our best selling drug, so I’m going to tell you how much the generic will suck and how our NEWER and BESTER product (which is the same shit just XR after the name) beats the living hoo-hah out of the stuff I was pimping to you as the latest and bestest just 2 weeks prior.
  • Here are some studies for you to read.
    • Translation: You wont read this shit, and we paid for them so what do you think they’ll say you idiot.
  • You know that our new product has 500% better bioavailability and the AUC is 15% higher big-word big-word.
    • Translation: You have no idea what the fuck these numbers mean, and neither do I!  I just memorize them and spit them out to sound smart.
  • I’m going to leave some coupons here so you can trial your patients.
    • Translation: We’re gonna fuck over pharmacies so they’ll have to buy a $500 bottle of 100 to get a whole 7 tablets out for the fucking coupon.  The rest will just rot and outdate on them.
  • All major insurance companies cover this.  Its Tier-4 on their formularies
    • Translation: Which means its not covered without a prior auth.  I know you’re too ‘busy’ to do PA’s so we’ll just fuck over your patients by feeding them samples until they run out, then force them to pay $200/month to continue therapy.  Wait, I think the coke dealer did that same thing to me when I was in college.
  • Do you have any questions?
    • Please don’t be an ex-pharmacist.  Please dont be an ex-pharmacist! SHIT! I NEED A DISTRACTION! IT LOOKS LIKE HE’S GOING TO ASK ME SOMETHING!
  • Oh, I dropped my pens.  Dont worry, i’ll get them.
      • Translation: Yes, they are real. I can make them bounce into each other.  Look into my mind control device doctor.. Loooooook.
  • Here are some pens and notepads for you doctor.  I hope you have a wonderful day!
    • Translation: Sucker!!!! HAHAHA!

I really do dislike drug reps.  However I dislike Medicare Part D salesmen even more!  More on that later!

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9 Comments

  1. Benedict says:

    Have you been reading Doug Farrago’s Placebo Journal again?
    http://www.placebojournal.com/shopexd.asp?id=243

  2. IT Phucker says:

    Nothing I hate more than those slimy fucking weasels. Why they aren’t banned from our buildings I don’t know. Nothing but a nonformulary nightmare, duping the doctors with their studies funded by their own company. Oh wait, they feed the doctors and nurses oil soaked shit from TGI Fridays almost every day and hand out samples that are forbidden to hand out to the patients where I am. And the doctors with TGI Fridays grease dripping out their godlike pieholes make the rules.

  3. AmyR says:

    So I read this yesterday, then went to my Dr. appt and two drug reps came in. Dressed to the nines and dragging in all their swag, I had to stifle giggles as I watched these two ladies try to get in, even though the sign clearly states they don’t take stuff from reps after 11am (it was 1:45).
    Then I go to the pharmacy to get my prescriptions filled, and I heard the pharmacy manager and his assistant manager bitching about a customer who had raised holy hell about having to cash pay for her vicodin because she “lost” it and her insurance wouldn’t pay for another one because it was too soon. I told him that he needed to read your blog, and he smiled and said “I knew there was a reason I like you, TAP is my lifeline”
    I feel so cool now! Like I’m in the club! Love you TAP!!!

  4. piklin says:

    hahahahhahah….you crack me up! i find it disgusting that these people get paid buttloads to memorize a bunch of facts that they don’t know jack-squat about, regurgitate, and…well…that’s it. blood-suckers

  5. limari says:

    The drug reps around these parts: the men all look like mafioso, complete with slicked back hair, fake-bake tan, and pinkie rings. The women all look like “Trixies”: Generic blonde hair, (streaked, of course), too much makeup on top of a fake-bake tan, navy blue “power” suit w/obligatory mini-skirt, witch-toe high-heels.
    They come bearing pens, stickie notes and bullshit. We sign the little paper and listen to the presentation, knowing that lunch (on them) is just one more boring speech away. Most of them are SO puffed up with self-importance that they actually think we give a shit…except…..
    for this one brand-new, wet-behind-the-ears rep from Amgen. His tie was crooked and his suit was wrinkled. We sat there smirking, thinking “amateur” until he opened his mouth to speak and said: “Look, I know you guys don’t care about this stuff. You’re only here for the pens and the lunch. But do me a favor and at least TRY to look interested, ok?”
    Needless to say we watched his presentation with great (not feigned…really) interest, and thought to ourselves: “What a nice kid. He won’t last long.”

  6. Soaring Bird says:

    After I made a snarky remark recently, I got some heat from a female drug rep claiming her looks had nothing to do with her job or why she was hired. Since then I have paid very close attention to the appearance of each drug rep that enters the office.
    I kept a log at first but after awhile it seemed pointless as there were only 3 columns that ever had check marks. The BLONDE column, the BIG BREASTS column, and the Tammy Faye MAKEUP column. Dark hair or grey hair (females), small breasts, bigger than a size 2, natural skin color, and minimal makeup columns never got one check mark.
    Please….
    Don’t insult my intelligence, Eli-Lilly whore.

  7. rph3664 says:

    I was on a nursing board, and saw a post about how drug reps AND their loot are being banned from the hospital where this nurse works, so they are boxing up all the pens, notepads, stuffed animals, etc. and shipping them to a mission hospital in Cameroon.
    They weren’t sure what a hospital in Cameroon would do with mouse pads, but the rest of the stuff might come in handy.
    Now they’ll have to buy their own pens and notepads.
    I did rotations on an Indian reservation whose formulary was controlled by the Federal government, and was 40 miles from any sizable town, but they STILL darkened our doors. My preceptor would do a surgical scrub of his arms after they left. rotfl

  8. limari says:

    Soaring Bird wrote:
    “Don’t insult my intelligence, Eli-Lilly whore.”
    LOL! Awesome.
    Guess that makes Eli-Lilly the pimp. How apt.

  9. Harry, RN says:

    A doctor I work with is wonderfully evil when it comes to drug reps. Yes, you guessed it: she is an old RPh now wearing MD’s clothing. And she REALLY knows her drugs well, especially those within her specialty.

    She sends the pusher to a poorly ventilated windowless room slightly larger than the cleaning closet, and she makes them fidget a bit. Then she warmly greets them, thanks them for waiting, and thoughtfully discusses Drug XYZ being pushed that day. She asks a few simple questions (normal SIG, common A/E’s, dose adjustments for renal failure, etc.), then she pauses and then unzips her inner RPh. She asks about some obscure Phase II issue that wasn’t fully resolved, something strange mentioned back around the time of the NDA, and hey, didn’t ABC Drug in the same therapeutic class just go generic? Speaking of generic, what’s the cost of a 30 d/s of your XYZ for my patients without insurance? Oh, and just one more quick question about this little Black Box warning up here.

    If she didn’t make the rep sweat, she didn’t enjoy her job that day. One day, after she finished off the rep, she told me as he’s leaving, “Good thing his company also makes (trade-name PPI); he’ll probably need his employee discount for it.”.

    Evil. That’s why I love this doc. That, and she treats RPh’s and PharmD’s with at least same respect she shows MD’s. Every MD should do a year behind the pharmacy counter.

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