You pulled that from where!?!?

So obviously more than one of you have noticed that I’ve been quite silent lately. Lawsuit? Work trouble? Life trouble? Unemployment? Nevah! Nobody can silence The Angry Pharmacist!

I’m working on a secret surprise for this site. One that I’m almost completed with. Its been a few months in the works, but I guarantee it’ll set this site apart from every other ripoff site out there.

I haven’t written a really funny entry about the public in a while, so here is something that has me disgusted, disturbed and really curious: Why do women with big boobs hide stuff in their bras?

It blows my mind. I go out for a consultation, and I ring them up for their copays. They stick their arm DOWN THEIR SHIRT, FEEL AROUND THEIR BOOB, THEN PRESENT ME WITH HUMID NASTY BOOB-MONEY. About mid breast-exam I’m thinking to myself “Oh god, I hope they dont pull their money from there”, and sure enough out comes the wad of dollars (still steaming from sweat) as they proudly hand it to me. Ew.

I shit you not, they should of just reached down their pants, and pulled it from their crotch. That’s how nasty this money is. Its in that ‘moist’ (god I hate that word) phase where its neither sopping wet or humid. Its at the point where you hate to put it in the register because it’ll just moistify all of the other dollars in the stack.

What makes this even better, is that I’ve seen them pull cell phones (sometimes ringing), checkbooks (moist and nasty), pill bottles (labels are all moist and falling off), money, car-keys, etc from their boobs. Its like their boobs are little pockets of everything. Whats better is when there are MULTIPLE things down between those mommy-bags so they must rummage around their boobs (not one boob, but both of them) while a store full of people watches in a mixed horror and amazement. Sometimes Im afraid the’ll put out some food and start eating it, or some dead animal lost forgotten under those fun-bags.

However, what especially drains my soul is that the woman is always large, ugly, loud and sweaty. Oh no, it can’t be some 150lb 19 year old with size E knockers feeling around inside of her shirt in my presence; it has to be the drenched in sweat, mouth-breathing, fatsomyalgic, 400 lbs with size FFF boobs.

People seem to have no problem with women doing this. If I stuck my hand down the front of my pants and pulled out money, car-keys, my wallet, and a phone I would be hauled to jail.

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39 Comments

  1. rx-dawg says:

    I guess women do that for the same reason I’ve been asked 398 times “Let me show you my rash” and then people start unbuckling things and I have to say “Oh no you don’t…any unbuckling needs to be in front of your doctor”

  2. shy intern says:

    Not 19 with E’s, but I am early 20’s with D’s. I put my phone there when I go to bars/clubs if I don’t have pockets (I wear a lot of low cut dresses, which don’t generally have pockets) because I won’t feel it vibrate if it’s in my purse… But I don’t wedge it in deep or anything. Ew.
    And I agree, soggy money is not cool. Crispy bills only please.

  3. Steve says:

    The sad thing is that i can think of at least a half dozen of my customers that do that. AAAHHHHHHH

  4. Christine says:

    Shit like this makes me embarrassed for my own gender. Seriously.
    I think some women have some sort of a *bimbo gene* that does not allow them to wear clothing with pockets. And a lot of women’s clothing is made without pockets, because some jerkwad somewhere ASSumed that pockets in clothing make women look fatter.
    Don’t even get me started on the fact that these women are already heavy and are wearing clothing that looks best on thinner women.
    I think it is truly skanky and low-class to be storing anything in a bra like that. I personally mostly wear jeans or other pants with pockets, I keep my keys and my phone in the pockets. Money is kept in a WALLET, where it belongs, or sometimes in my pants pocket.
    Even if one is a skinny woman who doesn’t want clothing with pockets that might make her look fat, there is such a thing as a purse. Sheesh, use it!

  5. I count myself lucky I dont practice in your store. YUK. Maybe its our year round coolish weather that keeps most boobs under wraps and generally unaccessable as a storage site. The worst thing we have to deal with is the occasional warm weather and the spillage that occurs when too much boob conflicts with not enough shirt. (and usually its on the aforementioned fatsomyalgics).

  6. Stacey says:

    There is a reason your mom told you not to put money in your mouth. LOL Momma knows breast,ehr, best. 😉

  7. LD 50 LabRat says:

    God that’s gross. I know it’s true, because I’ve seen it.
    Working in the ER, I have seen the odd woman that pulls a ziplock with bills out of her choochi.
    Monkeys have more sense.

  8. Nicole says:

    once a women pulled a script out of her underwear. i kid you not. it was the grossest thing ever. she seemed 2 be upset that i put on rubber gloves before i touched it. YUCK

  9. PharmaK says:

    I had a TECH who kept her cellphone in her bra during work, despite the fact that she wasn’t allowed to have it on during work. She’d set it to vibrate (about half the time when she remembered to urn the ringer off, that is), then frantically dig for it while trying to hide it from me when it went off. Oh, and she was as far from a hot 19-year old as you can get.

  10. ded says:

    Why do women with small boobs hide stuff in their bras?

  11. I suppose that this is a 21st century discovery of anatomical convenience. Maybe in 10 years, we guys can be granted societal permission to use an erection to carry a small grocery bag home. And, by 2099, hiding small objects in the rectum will no longer be the province of the drug mules only.

  12. Alison says:

    Ugh. We don’t have a problem with that at my pharmacy, BUT, i used to work at a video store that was across the street from a football stadium.. and there was NOTHING grosser then jocks renting movies and paying with soaking wet dollar bills that they had hidden in their SHOES while they played.
    Gross.

  13. mik says:

    you aint seen nothing until you have had old ladies down to their elbows in sagging boobage looking for loose change. a small part of me died that day

  14. JL says:

    These nasty women must be breastfeeding their vials. The money and labels are moist from breast milk…straight from the source.
    I can’t wait to see what your secret surprise is. Is it a Tamiflu background?

  15. rph3664 says:

    I’m a woman and I’m grossed out by that too.
    What’s your commentary on H1N1?

  16. rph3664 says:

    Open letter to The Ole Apothecary:
    ROTFLMAO!

  17. Carrie says:

    Truly disgusting. My first experience with this was back in the early 80’s. I was a cashier at Revco then and it was in the dead heat of summer. This big fat STINKY nasty sweaty woman came in with a prescription for Monistat. She smelled so bad! The pharmacist filled her rx and I rang her up (while standing as far away as possible- and Revco had very wide counters anyway) and damned if she didn’t reach into her boobs/fatfolds and pull out a sweat-drenched twenty. As nauseating as this was for me, I couldn’t help but pity the gynocologist!! Wonder if they keep a gasmask in the office?

  18. I can’t even tell you how loudly I cackled out loud about this one! This is hilarious….and so disturbingly true.

  19. Debbie says:

    If I pull my cell phone out of my bra, you don’t have to touch it. More women of all shapes use this “other pocket” because it’s convenient and really should not affect anyone else.
    The money thing is a totally different issue and shouldn’t be included in the same discussion.

  20. mik says:

    the only thing worse is when guys with man boobs pull up their shirts to show you their rash… if only 20 y.o. girl would come to the pharmy, pull up their shirts and ask “do these look ok to you”

  21. Dr. Grumpy says:

    Yeah, I’ve had them pull out phones when a boob starts ringing during an appointment.
    5 times in the last 10 years I’ve actually had tits fall out in front of me when some fat lady in a tight halter top or whatvever leans over or stretches. And it’s never one you secretly wanna see, either. It’s always a fatsomyalgic.

  22. Chuck says:

    My ex-wife keeps her phone in her copious bra, which in and of itself I don’t see as a problem, but her answering message is “…. my phone is on vibrate, and if you know where I keep my phone… Thanks so much for calling…”

  23. Cassie says:

    I don’t share this story with many…mainly because the nightmares only just stopped, however, after reading your post I feel it necessary to share this with more people…kind of like the killer video tape.
    It was a warm summer day at Kroger…we were all warm, sticky and dying of thirst. Here comes the nastiest, fattest, most white trash woman I have every seen in my life. She had her bleach blonde hair in a banana clip, dirty holey sweatpants on, and a tshirt with no bra (of course). She comes up to the cash register and asks for her prescription. I ring her up and the total is about 50 bucks. Now, at this point I notice she has no purse…so Im wondering…where is this money going to come from…being that she was not in fact wearing a bra and all. Suddenly she pulls open her sweat pants, reaches down and hands me 52 dollars in cash. I stare at her horrified. I resist vomiting somehow, and slowly reach out and take the money….I immediately notice a very distinct odor wafting from the money. I vomit a little in my mouth…but somehow manage to choke it back and get her change to her. As I hand it back she shes thanks baby and turns to walk away. I slowly turn around and the pharmacist says…”Cassie…go wash your hands and go home..you don’t need to be here anymore for today.” It still haunts me to this day…thanks for letting me get that out.

  24. Veronica says:

    As a non-disgusting 24-year old with DD’s, I am horrified by this. “Moist” is one of my most hated words as well. I always run to the sink and scrub a good 2 minutes whenever any customer at my Big Chain Store job hands me money that is remotely wet from boob, wallet, shoe, pocket, where ever! I am off scrubbing the second they are gone.

  25. pierrelourens.myopenid.com says:

    This is disgusting, but I totally have it beat.
    Being the responsible, charitable citizen I am (or pretend to be), I signed up for my school’s blood drive. After waiting over an hour for my blood to be drawn, I met my bloodletter. To put it lightly, she was on the far right side of the scale. As in, 350+ pounds. And about five feet tall.
    Needless to say, her melons were excessively moist due to our non-air conditioned gymnasium. As I sit down for my first blood donation, she tells me that she is going to clean my arm before she stabs me. Awesome, I think.
    She pulls the fucking swab out of her tit crevice. Granted, it was still wrapped (thank God). But she didn’t even have to unwrap it to get my arm wet; the wrapper was soaked in tit juice. Disgusting.
    And she pulled it out like it was totally normal for a 40 year old, morbidly obese woman to do so. You know, reaching between those watermelons shouldn’t even be allowed in private, let alone before a fucking blood donation. For sterilization, for God’s sake.

  26. neumeindil says:

    Unfortunately, when you’re a bigger girl, they don’t often provide you with these necessary things called *pockets*. That said, I’ve used a bra as a pocket before, but the money stayed tucked under the strap at my shoulder. Cellphone between the boobins, sure, I’m the only one that has to deal with that. But I’m hardly skanky enough to expect another person to handle my bodily fluids on communal money.

  27. LifeandtimesTech says:

    Its interesting to know just how many of your readers are well endowed….
    Thank god my pharmacy is a chain with really easy RX transfers. Means my clientel is mostly hot college chicks or snowbirds. And the snowbirds are just back from florida where its too hot, so they’re usually covered up.
    The college chicks however…..
    Thank you expensive party college!

  28. Mike says:

    One time at my pharmacy, a woman pulled up in the drive-thru with a small dog hanging out of her shirt between her huge knockers. The thing was barking at me and squirming around while she was digging around in her purse (luckily not her boobs too) to find some money.

  29. Liz says:

    Uuuuuuuuuugh…I used to work in a pub in a very – outback town which hosted a bunch of naaaaaaaaaaaasty homeless people. As in, wash-when-it-rains type of people. And it was a desert, it didn’t rain often. These people’s clothes were shiny – they washed and changed so seldom that their body oils had soaked right through the material (jeans denim, no less). Oh, and they were pretty careless with their toilet habits too, by the smell of them. Yuk, yuk, yuk.

    The women were almost exclusively morbidly obese and ALL kept their money UNDER their (non bra-ed) endowments. They were only allowed in the takeaway section (they did NOT meet dress requirements for entering the hotel itself!) and we kept the money from that till seperate, because it smelt so bad.

    The most horrifying thing I saw was the day a woman bought two 4-litre casks of wine. Right in front of me, she proceeded to take the bladders (the size of a small cushion) out of the cardboard, put one under each tit and walk off. That’s right, her tits were holding up 4 LITRES OF BOOZE EACH and you couldn’t really tell they were there. Gross.

  30. CPhT HH says:

    Yep, I’ve put money under the strap of my bra because I was wearing a skirt, but nothing as disgusting as what has been described here. I’ve seen it though, and I’ve had it happen to me. I can’t even stand it when someone has held money in their sweaty HAND, let alone any sweaty mommy or daddy parts. ::Gurg!::

  31. Chuck in MI says:

    “Its like their boobs are little pockets of everything. ”

    That’s why they are called “treasure chests”. Get it? Haw!

  32. Angel says:

    You are an idiot. It’s FIBROMYALGIA, not FATMYALGIA. I know skinny people with fibro. I sure hope you are not my pharmacist.
    Oh, BTW, I would NEVER pull anything out of my bra or pants to pay anyone with. No fucking class.

    You have no fucking class or clue as to what Fibromyalgia really is. What’s the matter, can’t make it to medical school, so you chose to WORK IN A PHARMACY? Dumbass!

    • Old Country Doc says:

      Angel, you must be new around here. Otherwise, you would realize that “fatmyalgia” is the local slang describing a certain type of patient that all of us have seen. In my practice, they are almost always in search of controlled substances. Experience has jaded us to these types of patients and TAP here simply uses humor and his experiences to remind the rest of us that we are not alone in this crazy world.

      I would bet a large sum of money that the good pharmacy doc knows at least ten times more about fibro than you or any other non-medically trained individual. And since you bring up the old “you didn’t go to med school so you must not be too bright” argument I’ll let you in on a little secret. Our entire county has only ten pharmacists. It’s a small town so all the physicians know all of the pharmacists pretty well. Some are even very close friends. All ten are smart enough to have gone to med school if they wanted. Let’s see. None of them are on call (I’m 24/7). They actually get days off without having to round. They don’t get their weekend ruined by having to work the ER because the hospital can’t find anyone else to cover. They don’t have to spend 40% of their time doing paper work in order to CYA. They don’t have to touch anyone. They don’t have to deal with bodily fluids. I could go on and on. My pharmacist buddy actually gets to have a beer when we cook out. I thought about having one, but then my cell phone went off (the hospital) reminding me that the only time I get to have a drink is when I leave the state and hand my pager off to one of my partners. Oh yeah, and two of those pharmacists make a hell of lot more money than I do and only work three or four days a week. So, I ask you, who’s the smarter person? Hell, one of my partners became a physician because his grades weren’t good enough to get into vet school. So, should we start in on MDs not being bright enough to work on animals? I think not.

      And by the way, when I hear someone talking about those of us in the medical field not knowing how bad fibromyalgia is, it is invariably followed by a request for hydrocodone, carisoprodol and diazepam. As for the pharmacists in town, they’re my friends and allies and we take care of each other. Three months ago my pharmacist buddy found one of my patients going to three, count ’em, three other docs, all prescribing hydrocodone. He served this patient up to me on a silver platter and I got the chance I’d been waiting for to send them packing.

      So, Angel, give me and all the other real people in the medical profession a break. And when I say “medical professionals”, I’m including the pharmacists. I always get the impression that the “not smart enough” statements are made by those who couldn’t get into any type of professional schools, let alone medical or pharmacy school. Of course, we’ll get a med student or resident every now and then who thinks the same thing. However, after numerous tough drug questions that they can’t answer I always point to the phone and say, “call so-and-so at the pharmacy….I bet he or she knows off the top of their head”. After a few times, they learn that the answer is only a phone call away instead of ten minutes lost digging through some book or doing an internet search. We can’t know everything and having that resource at our fingertips is very nice indeed.

      I don’t know why I felt the need to respond to your post. Perhaps it was the fact that the pharmacist caught a possible major drug interaction on one of my patients today. You know, it’s hard to keep up with all of those things when all the fatmyalgia patients are screaming for early refills.

  33. Beryl says:

    Years ago, as an aide- I was bathing a very large woman and found chicken bones under her breast! She said- oh, I was wondering where that went! So disgusting, how could she not realize??? Yes she was at least 300lbs. Had to be weighed on the loading dock.

  34. HA! Old Country Doc, you are my hero! “Fatmyalgia” I’ve never encountered this slang before….but you know, it really works.

    I am a lowly pharmacy tech, but DAMN I hate those “I-dropped-my-oxycontin-in-a-mop-bucket-again-and-therefore-need-an-early-release” losers. or the “I’ll-take-the-oxycocets-now-but-I’ll-return-tommorrow-for-the-cephalexin”

    I give those D-cards (Ontarian slang for Welfare Disability) the extra intense, “I’m on to you” eyecontact.

    Ahh, I love this site.

  35. rxn says:

    this story is very interesting. i can tell you that i been through the same thing and even more. one lady pulled down her underwear and removed the money from there. this didn’t happen at a pharmacy, but it happened in a convenience store.

  36. Crying Inside says:

    Yup, nothing like moist money from the neither regions to brighten one’s day! but nothing is as satisfying or worse (depending on your point of view) after looking for that last greasy 5 spot stuck between the nipples said female sets the sweaty contents of their chesticles on your counter, pays, gathers her belongings and leaves, then that punk kid who hasnt been able to sit still since the womb and has been running around the store knocking shit over and screaming; exclaims in the most annoyingly high pitched voice about how tired he is and are we done yet this place is boring (yeah right) then lays his heavy head on the counter while you are at the back counter searching for paper towels to wipe up the boob juice from earlier……(take that!!!!!) but dont smile to hard cause his overacheiving/underparenting i-am-on-my-phone-here’s-my-card-charge-it-and-i’ll-complain-about-the-copay-after-my-insurance-company’s-customer-service-line-is-closed….thate 7pm EASTERN!!! mother/father/sperm donor is looking right at you.

  37. Angie says:

    Ladies, stop whining about how you “have to” put your money or your cell phone in between your boobs or in your bra. I’m a woman who has gone thirty years now without having needed to do either. Sorry to burst your bubble, and I can’t believe I have to even type this – but pockets are NOT rare. In the case that your outfit (that YOU decided to purchase) doesn’t have a pocket, allow me to introduce you to the concept of a purse. Or a wallet. Wristlets are convenient as well. The possibilities are endless.

    There is no need to pull anything from your nether-regions! Come on! Here’s another concept – it’s called class. You might want to look into it.

    • laughingtech says:

      the only way you should be taking money out of your bra or nether-regions is because a guy just out it there while you were pole dancing.

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