Math is HARD! Im not SMRT!

I’m far from being a mental bigot. I understand that a ton of people did not go to college and dont have the in-depth knowledge that I have with regards how medications and the human body work.
But some people act so stupid, that a 4th grader could out-do them. For that, I must make fun of said people. I’m sorry, but read on and you’ll see what i’m talking about.
Example 1:
You get 90 tablets of Vicodin. You take 3 per day. How long will this supply of vicodin last you? ***BONUS! It says on your bottle “Must last 30 days”***
Now all of you at home, since you obvously are reading this over a computer will say that the supply will last 30 days, because 90 / 3 = 30. HOWEVER ghetto-math says otherwise. Ghetto math says to call the pharmacy after 10 days and ask for the refill, because you sold 9 vicodin a day, thereby leaving you short.. Oh, and also you need to get really mad when I say that you cant have them early and threaten me. Pharmacists like to be threatened when you your narcotic refills early.
Example 2 (this one is harder):
Today is 9/25/05. The pharmacist says that your Somas are due in 1 month. What day would that be?
Now a normal person would guess 10/25/05. Even if one of the months had 31 days, you would be within 1 day and close enough. However ghetto-math says that 1 month has exactly 10 days, so thats when you should get your pain-pills refilled. Ghetto-math is never wrong, remember that!

Help! Bail me out!

Nobody can honestly say that they dont like culture. Coming from the United States we are a hodge-podge of different cultures all mingled together. However when your culture ends up costing me money is when I start to have a problem with it.
Within the past 10 years or so, there have been a massive influx of pacific-rim type folks coming here. Now thats 100% cool with me, everyone needs a chance for a new beginning, and just because your own country is fucked, why not come here and do the same to ours. Its the American way.
Now I draw the line when you come into my pharmacy looking for 10cc syringes and 18G(!!) needles for which to inject your herbal shit. It bugs me even more when you are asking for these so you can inject your pregnant wife/daughter/goat/etc with this shit.
On more than one occation i’ve seen a few very fucked (medical wise) children being brought in this world. When we ask the mother what happened, she tells us that she was taking this herb or mystical shit that caused all of these birth defects. Now I feel sorry for the poor kid, but I also feel sorry for the state that has to PAY for this womans fuckups for the rest of this poor babys life.
I rate all of said people on the same field as crackhoes with their crackbabies. We have to pay for their mistakes and their fuckups.. So let all now take a big swig of Bicardi 151 while pregnant for the great USA! Because we know the land of milk and honey will cover our ass no matter how stupid we are!

Uhh, I dont want that.

On a roll today. Had a list of shit I needed to bitch about! Onward!
Its perfectly normal for people to bring in their used pill bottles for refills. In fact, we prefer that better than the old “I need my regular medication” or “The one for my heart” bullshit (more on that at another time)..
However in more than one case, I have recieved a pill bottle that really made my asshole pucker. Actually, it wasnt a pill bottle but a cream container.
Now I dunno about you, but if I managed to cram a whole tube of Monistat 7 up my vagina (if I had one), and pulled it out (sucking off a few loose pubes in the process) I would NOT want this to be shown publically. Well, someone decided they did.
So I got presented (handled with a clothespin) a nasty ass tube of Monistat 7 one day. The stench alone warranted a hazmat team to quarantine the area. The tube itself had this greasy like overfilm that I was afraid (actually smart enough) not to instinctly grab. The Rx label looked like it had been soaking in lard (yanno how paper gets clear when exposed to grease). There were a few loose pubes hanging under the Rx Tape. I was afraid to ask what happened to the cap. Although I will say that the tube was 100% completely empty (like her vagina sucked the life out of it).
To make matters worse, I had to unbend the tube to read the name and Rx number (it was folded onto itself). Some people say that there is nothing meaner in life than Cat Shit. I had something to prove them wrong.
There are only 2 things that would make matters worse:

  • She was ugly, very very ugly
  • She wanted the tube back.
    I’ll leave the rest to your imagination.

  • Are you sure you’re really John Doe?

    Heres the situation.
    You have a medication ready for John Doe, so you yell out “Medication is ready for John Doe”. Someone comes up, signs for the medication, leaves, only to have you realize that the person picking up the medication didnt speak english, and isnt John Doe. For the rest of this rant, “John Doe” will be used because I dont want anyone to think im a bigot for using “Juan Valdez” or “Mai Hung Troung”.. whoops.
    Now this isnt meant to be taken as a statement of bigotry or racism, just a statement of fact. The biggest problem seems to stem from anyone who’s first language is not english. We have asshats who will come to pick up medication no matter what name is called. We have to continously watch for them and tell them to sit the fuck down because they are NOT who we shouted out. It gets better. Due to a lack of understanding, they will just answer “yes” to any question to ask them. How can you fucking not know your own name? Even in 10 tounges I can undersand when someone tries to say my first and last name.. Oh wait, here in the United States we dont care if people are fucking idiots, we only care if they are poor and fucking idiots.
    Do you have insurance? “Yes”
    Are you Mystery Person X? “Yes”
    Do you speak english? “Yes”
    Are you an asshat? “Yes”
    The whole situation is very frustrating, so because we need to protect idiots from themselves, we require an ID card at every pickup. I cant comprehend how mad I get when I shout out a name (to consult someone on some wierd medication) and I see two people walk up. Not only is this stupid and dangerous, but its really fucking stupid and dangerous!
    People make me mad. 🙁