Mail Order Douchebags, Part 2

Why cant patients be upfront with us? Here we are with virtual control over their lives, and they are too stupid to be upfront with information that would save us both time and money.
Case in point: I had a long time patient come in the other day to get meds refilled. They recently switched insurances so things were sorta whacky. In the process of filling their medications, I got a DUR reject from the insurance company that this was a “duplicate billing”.
For all you non-pharmacy people out there; the insurance companies (when we transmit the billing info) sends us back warnings once in a while that we have to override. Usually its because its an early refill, a late refill, the crackhead got it 4 days ago at another pharmacy, etc. They are somewhat useful, but intentionally made vague just to fuck with our heads.
So I’m checking the other terminals thinking that maybe the Rx came in via fax and it was already billed from us. Spent 10 min interrogating everyone if they filled an Rx for this person. Then I interrogated the patient asking if they filled it at another pharmacy, etc. Of course the patient said those magical words “You’re the only pharmacy I go to”. Right, and I shit gold.
So I call the insurance company on the vague chance that it somehow got transmitted but our computer system didnt receive the response and record it. On hold for 15 min. At this point the patient starts whining about the medication and I fight the urge to throw my shoe. Get someone at the insurance company, who looks it up and tells me it was filled at a mail order pharmacy.
I hang up the phone and ask the patient: “Are you sure you didnt get these filled somewhere else?”
“Oh, we go to mail order.”
I mentally pictured my size 12 shoe fly across the counter and smack that dumb fucking ass right between the eyes. I had visions of me pooping in the sunroof of his/her car. I wanted to rend her/him limb from limb and play jump rope with his/her intestines. I wanted to cram lightbulbs up his/her ass and give a good kick. I wanted to give papercuts on his/her eyeballs.
“But they give us 3 months for one copay!”
I felt like saying “And thats fucking worth the 30 min you wasted of mine?” but instead said “im sorry, but you’ll have to pay cash on these Rx’s if you want them filled. *add a 30 buck waste-of-my-time fee*”. If there is a Heaven, I just earned a place in it by not saying what I was thinking. Of course I just lost it by making all of this public. Whoops.
When he/she left the store, I screamed to my boss “Do people like to waste our fucking time? Is it fun to them?” He just said “Yup” and kept on eating his lunch.
Now I can understand why people go mail order. 3 months of Rx’s for 1 copay does appeal to those who are lacking in braincells and are cheap. But who has to bail their asses out when the mail is lost or late? Me. Thats right, you are now expecting the guy you shafted to bail your ass out when you need it.

  • You went mail order to save a few bucks and are out. Who do you turn to? Your retail pharmacist!
  • You got medication from Canada or Mexico and it was siezed by the feds. Who do you turn to? Your retail pharmacist!
  • You got out of the ER at 3am and need an Rx filled right now. Who do you turn to? Your retail pharmacist!
  • You have a question about a medication, but dont want to wait on hold. Who do you turn to? Your (non walgreens/rite-aid) retail pharmacist (sorry fellas đŸ˜‰ !
  • Your daughter got drunk and didnt take it in the butt during a fraternity orgy (Actually she told you “the condom broke” riiiiiiight). Who do you turn to? Your retail pharmacist!
  • Your bitch ass was too cheap and too stupid to use common sense to support the people who could bai you out. Who did you just fuck over and piss off? Your retail fucking pharmacist!
    No wonder why pharmacists drink.

  • 5 thoughts on “Mail Order Douchebags, Part 2”

    1. Right on, Right on Brother!!! Can you say it again?!!!! I feel your pain!!! You say exaltly how I feel and more. Thanks for your wonderful web site-

    2. there is a woman that works in the same doctor’s building my pharmacy is located in. She goes to Costco to get all of her rx’s filled, but then comes to me for counseling. IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!

    3. Don’t forget that some of us have *no choice*. We have Cigna insurance from work and must use a mail order pharmacy for any prescription that lasts for 3 or more months. If we try and get it filled at a retail pharmacy we have to pay full retail price.

    4. I just recently found your blog and have been reading through the archives. Hilarious. I am forced to use a mail order pharmacy and I H A T E them. They drive me nuts. I would much rather use my local pharmacy. You have no idea what it’s like trying to use the damn mail order pharmacy. Multiply your frustration times about 10 and that’s what it’s like for the patients trying to get their damn scripts filled. My hubby is a heart/lung patient and they freaking drive me up the wall trying to get his meds.
      Love the blog and the layout.

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