Types of Patients, part duex

Thanks to all who have written! Here are some more customer types:

From Rebeccah in a ‘college town’
The Overprotective mother (or OPM as we call them). .These are the ones that call in pretending to be the patient (who happens to be college aged and SHOULD be able to function on their own). They call in their daughters birth control pills or bitch us out because little tommy cannot swallow pills and how dare we give him a swallow tablet..They also call every 5 minutes to make sure susie’s doctor called in her prescription, because somehow little susie cannot possibly open up her cell phone to check on it herself. And half the time little susie is on her cell phone when she comes in to pick up the rx.
The no refills/expired RX patients. Those who believe that expiration and no refills do not pertain to them. that refills and new expiration dates are automatically entered in the system with an unlimited amount of time and fills regardless of whether or not they actually see their doctor. One patient came in the other day (on her cell phone) drops off her rx, I politely tell her that we need to contact the MD to get more refills, she says okay and walks away. I overhear her say into her cell phone “I just dropped off my birth control at CVS and the girl there says I have no refills. I know I have more refills, she’s just lying to me!”
the Plan B crew. We dispense a TON of plan B (and by a ton, I mean I need to keep at least 6 packs on the shelf per week). Now this wont be as applicable come November 1, but we get a lot of people who think we are lying about needing an Rx to get plan B. “I know it’s over the counter, I cant believe you are telling me I need to get an Rx for it, I never needed one before.” And not to stereotype, it’s the Asians who get really insensed when we tell them you need an Rx in order for us to dispense it.
we also have a lot of what I call “Counter Hoverers”. These are the types when you tell them it’ll be about 10 to 15 minutes to fill their prescription, they say okay (as if it’s a reasonable wait time) and then go to the pick up counter and just stand there. They play with the counter displays and the magazine rack and occasionally will look up at you every few minutes. You tell them to have a seat so they aren’t blocking the pick up line (because at this point there are 5 people behind them) and they just look at you like you’re nuts. Then when you say “Please move so I can take care of someone else in line who is picking up their prescription), they move, but give you an irritated glare..

From Count By Five
The early riser-
They beat you to work. They’re waiting for you, and they are pissed as hell that today isn’t the day you mistakenly showed up for work an hour early. How dare you?! Get to work slacker.
Oh guess what? The script was dated for 2 months ago. YOU HAD ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD! I can remember the last specific day and time you were last in my pharmacy, and this Rx is older than that.
The supervisor-
Fuck you. When you interrupt me checking my email for the 57th time today, and I say your prescription will take a couple minutes, that is not an invitation for you to hold up your end of the counter and stare into my eyes. Go walk around, go check out the merchandise, and let me check my email. This ain’t fast food. Lets take our time, make an event out of it. Nevertheless, let me do my job. I want to do it right, and do it under my clock, not yours, so go take a look around.
But you my friend, you are a double edged sword. You can be the best part of my day. Why? Because I can be the worst part of your day very easily. You are ready to go, you want to get going, but, oops, I can’t just quite read what your physician wrote. I think I’ll give them a call. Whoopsie daisy, I had to leave a message. Get your fucking hands off my counter and call back tomorrow. Thanks with a smile.
Fucker.
The completely clueless-
This one is pretty simple. They are their own self-written joke. What are you here to pick up? What is it for? What letter does it start with? What does it look like?… I dunno. Even asking them what their name is results in a pathetically long pause. The truly sad part is, they aren’t drunk, they aren’t high, they are just dumber than rocks. Part of me feels really bad for them, but then again, my feet hurt and I don’t really like standing longer than I have to while they figure out if they want to form an intelligent thought or not.
Shit, I wish Aricept actually improved memory and made people smarter. Suddenly I would be making a shit ton of mis-fills.
The spelling bee champ-
“Hi, pick up for Davis, D – A- V- I- S.”
Me, “N O F U C K I N G S H I T”
Tell me where my fucking car keys are in the morning if you want to help me out, but the next time you tell me how to spell a common, American last name, I am going to punch a baby. Apparetly you think a pharmacy degree can be obtained by buying enough boxes of Cap’n Crunch and sending in for it. Apparently you think the job is limited to putting pills from a big bottle into a smaller bottle. Wait… anyways, the fact that I am upright and breathing should prove that I can spell your damned name. Thanks for the tip asshat.

From JN:
Hopefully I didn’t miss this in your entry, but I always get the customer that doesn’t want counseling about their new medication because “I’ve been taking it for years, I could probably teach you something about it” (I think this overlaps with the pseudopharmacist), only to have them return in 2 hours wanting a refund because I screwed up and gave them the generic when they wanted the brand (even though their MD wrote for the generic its still my fault).

Keep them coming! Im dying over here!

5 thoughts on “Types of Patients, part duex”

  1. In defense of the spelling bee champ, even the simplest names get screwed up beyond recognition sometimes. As a journalist, I ask EVERYONE how to spell their name, even if their name is John Smith or something equally as basic. Because the one time you don’t ask, you get a Davis or Smith with a silent “j” or “cz” in there somewhere.

  2. I’m also a big fan of the RNs:
    They think they know EVERYTHING. They try to call in their own rxs, and don’t want counseling because “I’m an RN, I already know.” One of my best friend is an RN and she will be the first one to tell you, RN’s don’t know jack about pharmaceuticals, and most of her co-workers are idiots in the bargain.

  3. We absolutely love your rantings. We would post your examples of patients all over our front desk if we could get away with it. It is so satisfying to have other pharmacists understand how horrific life behind the counter can be!! I was reading your latest rants about patients and not even ten seconds later I was lucky enough to experience at least 5 of them (i.e. spelling bee, the wait-n-stare, the screw face, etc.) We have shared your recountings with our families, friends and fellow pharmacists and techs. So thank you so much for saying what we are all thinking!!

  4. How about “The Royal Doctor” who comes in and expects to be handed a prescription pad so he/she can write an RX to be filled immediately even if it is obvious many people are waiting. And no I don’t have my medical license or any other form of ID but you should know me just by my name and face even if there are 2,000 other physicians in this town and I have never been here before. I had one fat sawbones even refuse to come to the cash register to pay. I had to walk to him to get the cash. (he was later kicked out of a hospital I worked at for writing to many pain meds for his exclusive medicaid clientel)

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