Here is a story that I received from a loyal reader. I just had to share it:
Day in the life of Nicole:
I loved your posts about the different types of patients. So many of them are true! I just have to share a story with you that made me go “are you f’ing kidding me?” when it was happening. I shared with another pharmacist, and he thought I was making it up. “Surely nobody can be that stupid!” he said to me. I assure you, they can be, and they are.
Nineteen year old African American girl brings in a script for a one dose special. ODS’s are four zithromax and a levaquin, sometimes mixed with four metronidazole. Even at 3 am there were other people around, including a friend who was right next to her, so I figured a little discretion was in order for her STD treatment. My consult went along the lines of “these are two different antibiotics to treat your infection. Take all 5 tablets as one dose as soon as you get home. Take it with food, blah blah blah.”
What happened next was priceless.
Very Stupid Girl: What is this medicine for?
Annoyed Pharmacist: It’s for your infection.
VSG: Oh. (pause) What kind of infection?
AP: Well, what did you go to the doctor for? (She went to the ER. I’m assuming they did an exam instead of just looking at her and assuming she was a walking STD)
VSG: Ummm…I don’t know. What is this used for?
AP: (glances at friend who’s quite interested in my answer) Do I have your permission to say it in front of your friend?
VSG: Yeah, I don’t care.
AP: This is usually prescribed for a sexually transmitted infection.
At this point she walks away, but is back within 30 seconds.
VSG: How you get that?
AP: Get what? The infection you have?
AP: (trying to think of a politically correct way to say this) Well, you get it from being intimate with a person who is infected. (both the girl and her friend give me a blank stare. Suddenly, the lightbulb goes on over the friend’s head.)
Friend: Girrrrrl, yo’ boo done give you sumtin’ NASSSSS-TY!
Apparently I wasn’t speaking Ebonics for the girl to understand.
Last night I had someone who said their kid was supposed to still be eligible for medicaid but the claim rejected saying the kid wasn’t eligible for benefits. The parents shelled out more than $150 for a bottle of Omnicef even though I offered twice to call the ER and ask for something less expensive (Keflex, anyone?) The father gave me two $100 bills. I never have that much cash in my wallet, period, much less in hundreds. Why does it seem like medicaid patients always pay in $50’s and $100’s?
Another type of person I hate: The “I’m going to pay my copay all in change” guy. He brings in all pennies and maybe a couple nickels if you’re lucky. His copay is just $1 but he can’t seem to find a dollar bill. Asks how much longer you’re going to need to count it while you’re trying as hard as you can to not touch the nasty dirty pennies that smell weird. The bag has a rip in it and you spill pennies on the floor, and other customers give you dirty looks because they don’t want to have to wait while you count 100 pennies. Then you have to fish in your pocket because he didn’t bring enough pennies with him. The best part is that he’s picking up for one of your narc patients who always wants stuff early.
Hahahaha!! Thanks Nicole for the email! Figures that this dumb skank needed an explanation on how you get a SEXUALLY transmitted disease, but didn’t need an explanation as to how to spread her legs to take some dudes hog. If you figure that the female body has 3 holes, there is a 33.3% chance of the male hitting the correct one at any given time. You do the math.
On a lighter note, my liberal counterpart the DrugNazi is thinking about changing his name due to a Life-Altering Patient. My thoughts on this? I dont blame him to be honest. We’ve all met those patients that are the reason why we get up in the morning and go to work. The reason why we smile when they come in, why we feel bad when they die. I wish him luck at finding a name that really suits him. Hell, if he wants to be a guest writer here on this site i’ll let him (just as long as he doesnt put up any liberal banter). He knows how to get a hold of me. If we live remotely close, i’ll even take him out for beers or some fine scotch (like that 21 year old bottle of Balvenie that I have tucked away for special occations.