This bitter hateful rant isnt really specific to pharmacists or pharmacies. Its to everyone who has to deal with the public in person.
What aversion do people have against showers? I’m being serious!
I get people all the time walking straight up to the counter and emit this rank death from their person that honestly makes me feel nauseous. Usually they have some stupid ass question that involves some ‘strange bumps’ on their body. Unfortunally conversations like these involve them showing me their nasty ass armpit, or chest, or some other god-forsaken place that hasnt seen the light of day (or a bar of soap) since ive been born. 9 times out of 10 those bumps are natures way of saying “Sweet Jesus take a fucking shower you slob!”.
People might think that stanky asses only come in the summer time. Oh no, the dead of winter is much much worse. See, some people think that if they dont sweat, they dont need a shower. Hell, whats the use of wiping my ass when I shit when i’m just going to take another one a day later! So you get these people waltzing in without a care in the world reaking of a mixture of BO, piss, and stank and wonder why nobody wants to help them. If i smeared shit all over my body and walked around town with a grin on my face (“hey! how ya doin? *smile*”) do you think people would want to help me?
However the summertime is fun-time because people just walk around in their sweat stained wifebeater all week and think things are just hunky-dory. Its a lose-lose situation for pharmacies and their staff.
Now we’re at a catch-22, because there is no polite way to say “Take a fucking shower you slob” without sounding like a total dickhead. So we’ve tried the usual thing when people walk in who are notorous for rolling around in their own urine hoping we’ll “drop the hint”:
Of course, they are oblivious. Doesnt matter that people are coughing and dry-heaving all around them; they just go about their merry way shopping and carrying on a grand old time. I bet they think everyone has horrible allergies with all the mouth-breathing going on.
Whats sad is that its always the overweight people that have the no-shower problems. I dont know if they have a problem making their way to the car-wash to be hosed off, or if their short little arms cant reach past their man-titties (i wonder how they piss or wipe their ass. Wait, i answered my own question) to wash. I’m not trying to rag on the morbidly obese, because you know its not their fault that they can only stuff McChickens and Quarter Pounders in their mouth for breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, snack, snack, dinner, snack, snack, GIMME MORE MORE!!!
So next time someone who hasnt bathed since jesus was a boy walks into your pharmacy. Do the poor man/woman a favor and just take them out back and hose them off. Make sure you scrub under their tusks and ears and in the creases of their fat. Who knows, you might find some coins or maybe a TV guide from the 70’s!