Like what you read here? Do I put a smile on your face? You wish you could help your old angry buddy? WELL HERES YOUR CHANCE!
My store has 3 pharmacists, 2 techs and averages about 370-450 rx/day. We’re looking into getting some robotic automation going. We’re looking at ScriptPro, Parada, etc etc etc. Something to carry our top 100 drugs so I can spend more time yelling at crackheads than counting out the vicodin and soma.
All the machines basically do the same thing being in the same price range with the sales drones saying the exact same shit. The sales tards dont use the machines, they arent pharmacists, and are about on par with Drug Reps. The’ll suck ya off to get a sale, and to make matters worse, the’re all males! Im confused and frustated!
So i’m asking you, my faithful readers, for your input as to which machine. Feature pissing you off? Feature pissing your techs off? Let me know! Let me learn from your mistakes!
Seriously! Not joking, I really do need help. No annoyance is too small or too insignificant!
No, the silence you saw on this blog was not me killing myself, nor drinking myself into a scotch induced stupor with the DrugNazi/Monkey/Whatever he is this week.
I was out of state for a week enjoying some family time. I’m not going to say what state, but I’ll just let you know that its not one of the ‘looney’ states.
I’m dreading work tomorrow. I know i’ll have about 500 messages for me from patients in a panic because they didnt take their post-thanksgiving turd yet. I already know I’ll have Celgene on the phone pissed off because I dispensed a Thalomid Rx right before I left and didnt call it in to report it. Yeah, because thats not a HUGE waste of my fucking time. Plus I know that I screwed something up sometime during my vacation and get yelled at via the patients about it (YOU SHORTED ME SOMA EVEN THOUGH YOU WERE ON VACATION!)
Oh.. DrugNazi: I thought of you as I sat there smoking my pipe and drinking a half bottle of Ardbeg 10y this last weekend. I thought “Ha ha! poor sap is probably working!”.. And I was right.. 🙂
So i’ve been doing some self thinking as to why I get angry at work. I mean it cant be normal for me to get really upset when I waste my time filling someones Rx (that they bring the empty bottle) not realizing that he wanted some other Rx filled (that wasnt the empty bottle).
I mean would any ‘normal’ person get pissed off when you’re on hold for 30 min before the patient says “oh, do you need this insurance card?” after you ask them 100 times if they have any insurance cards.
I mean a 14 year old getting prenatal vitamins shouldnt get your blood boiling. I mean what if it is their second kid? Thats no biggie right?
Getting yelled at because the doctor wont okay soma early shouldn’t bug me too much, but it does. I think you get the point.
I think I get frustrated because I dont think of myself as ‘better’ than anyone around me. Just because I physically stand a half foot above you, doesnt make me any better than the person who cleans the toliets, or the person who bags my groceries, or the kind fellow who pumps my gas. These people have jobs just like me, pay taxes just like me, and drag their asses to work just like me. Im sure they have a unique skill that they are awesome at. Mine’s pharmacy, and happens to be what I do for a living. Just because im a pharmacist doesnt make me better than you, its just what I do for a living.
But then I see stupidity in its rawest unearth form. Stupidity so intense that if it wasn’t for the kind state upon which I live wiping these people’s asses, they would be unable to live. I cant wrap my brain around how a person could be so utterly useless and stupid.
I dont expect you to understand how your medication works. Thats not your job, thats mine. I dont expect you to know what the proper dose is, or if your doctor is trying to kill you or not, thats also my job. I do have some sort of expectations that when the bottle says “One Tablet Daily” you will put one tablet in your mouth a day, and swallow. For some people, this mental feat rivals quantum physics.
How hard is it to follow simple directions? Even a dog knows not to shit in on its own bed, and can follow simple commands. I absolutely hate to talk down to people. It makes me feel like an idiot and makes the other person feel like a child. However im forced to do that on a daily basis. Thats the language they understand. Do I really need to tell you to remove the foil off of a suppository before you shove it up your ass? When a bottle says “SHAKE WELL” do you really need to ask me if you are supposed to shake it? That 3/4 is three-quarters of a teaspoon, not 3 to 4 teaspoons. That 1 mL (which is clearly marked on the dropper) is NOT the same as 5 mL.
Sometimes I feel like the patients are just screwing with me. You know, asking me stupid questions to be funny. Then I realize that they arent being funny, they seriously dont have the mental capacity to read and follow simple instructions printed out in plain english (which is the only language they speak). It boggles my mind so much I want to walk down there and shake them saying “WHATS WRONG WITH YOU! WHY DONT YOU UNDERSTAND!”. Seriously kids, cribs + lead paint = not good. Paint chips are not food, and not your friend.
I already have a very limited patience for people, however I expect people to not know how the human body works, or what that rash is growing under their boob. Those people I will spend as much time as I can explaining things in a language they can understand. However simple instructions like ‘twice daily’ or ‘leave this nix in your hair for 8 to 12 hours then rinse out’ should be universally understood no matter what education level you have.
So all in all, my ethics/tact/respect/how i was raised say “person is equal, must treat as equal” on one side, but then the patient is a complete and utter moron. So that makes my brain go into overload thinking “if person is equal, and person is idiot, then I am idiot! I am not idiot!”. Its not my intention to look down upon people (forget for a second what you read here) but maybe I might have to learn to.
Here is a story that I received from a loyal reader. I just had to share it:
Day in the life of Nicole:
I loved your posts about the different types of patients. So many of them are true! I just have to share a story with you that made me go “are you f’ing kidding me?” when it was happening. I shared with another pharmacist, and he thought I was making it up. “Surely nobody can be that stupid!” he said to me. I assure you, they can be, and they are.
Nineteen year old African American girl brings in a script for a one dose special. ODS’s are four zithromax and a levaquin, sometimes mixed with four metronidazole. Even at 3 am there were other people around, including a friend who was right next to her, so I figured a little discretion was in order for her STD treatment. My consult went along the lines of “these are two different antibiotics to treat your infection. Take all 5 tablets as one dose as soon as you get home. Take it with food, blah blah blah.”
What happened next was priceless.
Very Stupid Girl: What is this medicine for?
Annoyed Pharmacist: It’s for your infection.
VSG: Oh. (pause) What kind of infection?
AP: Well, what did you go to the doctor for? (She went to the ER. I’m assuming they did an exam instead of just looking at her and assuming she was a walking STD)
VSG: Ummm…I don’t know. What is this used for?
AP: (glances at friend who’s quite interested in my answer) Do I have your permission to say it in front of your friend?
VSG: Yeah, I don’t care.
AP: This is usually prescribed for a sexually transmitted infection.
At this point she walks away, but is back within 30 seconds.
VSG: How you get that?
AP: Get what? The infection you have?
AP: (trying to think of a politically correct way to say this) Well, you get it from being intimate with a person who is infected. (both the girl and her friend give me a blank stare. Suddenly, the lightbulb goes on over the friend’s head.)
Friend: Girrrrrl, yo’ boo done give you sumtin’ NASSSSS-TY!
Apparently I wasn’t speaking Ebonics for the girl to understand.
Last night I had someone who said their kid was supposed to still be eligible for medicaid but the claim rejected saying the kid wasn’t eligible for benefits. The parents shelled out more than $150 for a bottle of Omnicef even though I offered twice to call the ER and ask for something less expensive (Keflex, anyone?) The father gave me two $100 bills. I never have that much cash in my wallet, period, much less in hundreds. Why does it seem like medicaid patients always pay in $50’s and $100’s?
Another type of person I hate: The “I’m going to pay my copay all in change” guy. He brings in all pennies and maybe a couple nickels if you’re lucky. His copay is just $1 but he can’t seem to find a dollar bill. Asks how much longer you’re going to need to count it while you’re trying as hard as you can to not touch the nasty dirty pennies that smell weird. The bag has a rip in it and you spill pennies on the floor, and other customers give you dirty looks because they don’t want to have to wait while you count 100 pennies. Then you have to fish in your pocket because he didn’t bring enough pennies with him. The best part is that he’s picking up for one of your narc patients who always wants stuff early.
Hahahaha!! Thanks Nicole for the email! Figures that this dumb skank needed an explanation on how you get a SEXUALLY transmitted disease, but didn’t need an explanation as to how to spread her legs to take some dudes hog. If you figure that the female body has 3 holes, there is a 33.3% chance of the male hitting the correct one at any given time. You do the math.
On a lighter note, my liberal counterpart the DrugNazi is thinking about changing his name due to a Life-Altering Patient. My thoughts on this? I dont blame him to be honest. We’ve all met those patients that are the reason why we get up in the morning and go to work. The reason why we smile when they come in, why we feel bad when they die. I wish him luck at finding a name that really suits him. Hell, if he wants to be a guest writer here on this site i’ll let him (just as long as he doesnt put up any liberal banter). He knows how to get a hold of me. If we live remotely close, i’ll even take him out for beers or some fine scotch (like that 21 year old bottle of Balvenie that I have tucked away for special occations.
Well, elections have come and gone. Im sure the drugnazi is just dancing his little happy liberal dance at the results. Yay for him, maybe he should give all of his paycheck to crackwhores and pregnant minorities so I dont have to. Drugnazi, you know I love you, now work harder so lazy welfare kings can afford the gas for their escalades.
A few days ago I got this call from this very angry (why are they always angry!!!) lady who said that someone she didnt know picked up her soma. Now the chances of a random person knowing that you had soma ready to go at OUR pharmacy is next to nill. So I printed out the sign log, and told her who picked it up. She claimed she didnt know that person, and that she wanted another refill because someone else got it. I politely informed her that we would have to pull the video footage of our signing area, and get all the evidence we could to turn into the police (this is a stolen abuseable Rx yanno). Total bullshit, I wasnt pulling anything for the police. The police dont waste their time with violent crime let alone narcotic theft! The moment i mentioned the word ‘Police’ she started backpedaling like nobodys business. She did not want the police involved, and she all of a sudden had an idea on who this person was who picked up her soma. Amazing! She called me today to happily say that she has her soma now, and that she knew who picked it up all along. Right, sure, feed me some more bullshit.
I got a patient who came in with one Rx for some ibuprofen. She then very angerly told me that there were three drugs on that piece of paper. When I politely showed her the written hard copy, she got very upset and produced a second Rx from her purse that had the other two Rx’s on it. This isnt easter kids, you arent supposed to hide the Rx’s and make me look for them.
We do medication for a childrens home in town. Most of the kids are on the state program, so they have zero copays. However some children have private insurance (through their parents) with copays. So the usual policy is we send a bill to the deadbeat parents for their kids copays and they pay us. I managed to get a call from a mental health faculity in a county not far from here asking about a patients copays. This woman who worked there made the DrugNazi look like Rush Limbaugh. She whined and moaned how the parents are going through ‘financial difficulties’, blah blah blah, and couldnt pay the $300 bill that their kid had rung up in copays for the last 4 months. So she has me fax over a bill so the county faculity could pay their bill because the parents couldnt. Excuse me, you had this child, obviously due to reason within or without your control it managed to get into a childrens home for neglicted or abused children. Now you have the balls (when you work and have private insurance) to get the county mental health facility to foot the bill for YOUR kids copays? Im sorry, but thats wrong. Really wrong. Why doesnt the county pay for my house payment? Hell, why doesnt the county just go communism and pay for everyones bills everywhere! What makes these people more special than the average working class who doesnt have that luxury? I know plenty of people (single moms) who are scraping by who refuse to go on the state program just because they have the self respect and dignity not to rely on someone else to take care of their problems – yet they get punished. Anyhoo, i faxed the bill over and are waiting for the check to come in the mail. I need to eat, and I need to pay MY bills. Plus 2/3rds of that check will just go right back to the feds anyways, so its just a bunch of circulatory masturbation.
Then we have our usual 400 lb woman stroll through the parking lot just fine, only to get hit by some magical pain-ray the moment she gets to the pharmacy doors. She grunts, and moans, and ‘unf’s’, wobbles, huffs, and everything else to show how much pain shes in. It honestly sounds like shes getting it in the ass, or shes giving birth to a 20lb chocolate mud baby. Once she gets her vicodin/soma/whatever, she unf’s and groans her way to the door, and upon hitting the parking lot, stands perfectly upright and magically waddles to her car like shes worth a million bucks. My pain management professor always said “The best assessment of a patients pain is the walk from the car to the pharmacy doors”. I guess this woman thought my eyesight stopped abruptly at the glass entrance.
To make today even better, a gentleman calls and asks if we could advance him some Norco until his doctor approves the refill. I (of course) say no. He then gets all bitchy with the clerks, and is “coming right over to have a talk with the pharmacist”. At this point in the day I really dont care anymore, so I wait until he comes in. Unfortunately I got stuck on the phone tracking down some doctor/narcotic shoppers, so the other pharmacist took care of it. He demanded we advance him some Norco citing that a pharmacy across town did it, so we could do it. Blah blah blah, yell yell yell, yeah, whatever. Hah, fat chance. He got all huffy, shot me a whole bunch of glares (to which i just smiled) and stormed out. When we got the authorization an hour and a half later, I added a $5 service charge to his copay for his attitude (the PIA fee).. 🙂
Just as we were about to close, we get the last-min shopper. This lady wanted to pick up an Rx for her Xanax. She had a copay because most medicare part D programs exclude this drug (and all in its class). She then very rudely told me that she never have had to pay a copay on this medication, and I was wrong. I very abruptly said “excuse me, but im looking at the computer here, and you have paid cash since 4/2003”. She didnt believe me. At this point I wished for those mental powers to blow someones head up. She insisted that she didnt pay a copay on this medication. I print out the ‘DRUG EXCLUDED FROM PLAN’ message and hand it to her. She suddenly remembered that she didnt pay for this medication and went on her merry way (paying her copay). *sigh*
Speaking of such, I managed to get the full gauntlet of idiotic patients today. Lets review:
Thats what I have to deal with on a daily basis. No wonder why I drink!
Yes, I realize that im on a roll lately. Turns out i’ve had a bunch of shitty days at work that just fuel the anger (and gin consumption).
Whats up with pharmacy schools and the use of the title “PharmD Candidate” for students? This only cropped up because I recieved an email from a student from the “Thomas J Long School of Pharmacy and Health Sciences” thats at the “University of the Pacific”.
Jesus thats a long name for a pharmacy school. Why couldnt they just say “School of Pharmacy?”. If I ever strike it rich, i’m going to call up this “University of the Pacific” and say:
“Hello, this is the Angry Pharmacist. I wish to donate 100 million dollars to your Pharmacy School, but in return you must name it the ‘Dirty Cocksucking Whore School of Pharmacy and Douche Usage Science'”. I bet they do just that, and pharmacy students everywhere will curse my name.
But back to the Candidate part.
Is this a fucking contest? Will you win over your classmates to get the elusive title of PharmD? Why dont they just say “pharmacy school student” or “Pharmacy Intern”. Are doctors ‘MD Candidates’?
Okay, so maybe dictionary.com does have as a definition:
4. a student studying for a degree: Candidates for the B.A. will have to meet certain minimum requirements.
But I feel that its dumb. Fucking PharmD’s and their uppityness.
Why are people so stupid? Seriously, is there something about the winter-time that makes people just retard down to turd level? Why do people also assume that I can read minds, and that my computer somehow knows what new insurance they have, what medicare part D plan they have this month, or why their doctor hasnt called in a refill for their soma?
I got into an argument today with a lady who brought in an Rx for the stupid new Lantus pens. Her insurance didnt cover the pens, they covered the vial. She couldn’t get it through her head that this had nothing to do with the doctor (who gave her a very nice Lantus pen starter kit.. Thanks Sanofi rep you fucktard!) writing for it, but her insurance covering it. She kept on telling me that her Rx had refills, and that he wrote for the pens. I really really really wanted to throw a fucking vial of lantus at her.
Then you have the fuckheads who thinks everything should be free. Thats right, the world revolves around free-ness. Especially bad with the welfare type, its ‘gimme gimme gimme’. This woman got pissed at me because I wouldnt give her 2 bottles of dimatapp DM for her retarded kid instead of one. I kindly explained to her that the insurance would only pay for 1 bottle at a time (1 bottle = month supply) so she decided to get all nasty and uppity. IM FUCKING SORRY that you’re poor. IM FUCKING SORRY you got knocked up at 15 and your life was ruined. IM FUCKING SORRY you cant take responsibility for your own actions and therefore need to yell at ME who pay for YOUR LIFE about shit thats out of my control. Seriously, life isnt free (unlike your crotch.. OOOh dissed!).
Then to top it all off, I got one of those mind-reader types in today. You know, no cards, no nothing. Just a whole lot of bitching and ‘WELL I NEED MY MEDICATION’. Yeah, I need a blowjob, but the state system doesnt pay for that now does it.
Whats up with people not telling their doctors everything when they see them? Say for example that when you take codeine you get seizures. A person with some sense would realize that it should be IMPORTANT to tell their doctor this so they dont write for codeine. But of course, those people dont come to my pharmacy. Lets waste some more of my time while you get angry at me. Another untold secret that I see all the time is pregnancy. When you see your doctor, and you have some glimmer of notion that you might be pregnant, its not good to keep this a secret from your doctor; especially when your doctor is writing you prescriptions. It may be okay to keep it a secret from your parents, your boyfriend/guy/baby-daddy, but never your doctor or your pharmacist. And if you do keep it a secret from your doctor, dont take a dose of medication and THEN call me asking if its okay if its taken with pregnancy. Oh, and that sigh you hear from me when you answer ‘no’ to the question ‘did you tell the doctor about this’ isn’t intentionally trying to make you feel bad, its just my heart breaking that another idiot is having a child.
Thusly ending my day on a nice fruity note involves none other than nurses at the county hospital. Now about a month ago we got this Rx brought in by the county hospital that read:
HCTZ 1 qd #30
Now any medical staff with half a brain would say: “Hey! This has no strength! HCTZ comes in 3 strengths! What gives!”. Well, since I have a whole brain, I said the same thing and faxed a clarification to the hospital. The patient happened to have an old bottle from last month, so I just filled it for the same strength she was on and waited for the clarification. I finally got it, a month later. The nurse called all chipper like she was saving the world and proudly told me that it was the 25mg strength. My response however gave her a solid kick in the nuts. I asked how come it took a whole month, and that how hard is it to ask the dumbass resident (who’s name was on there, i faxed the original) what strength it was? She gave me some attitude about how we faxed it (all 6 times evidently) to the wrong place, and it should of gone to the refill center. That was it. I had enough of this bullshit. This stupid ‘nurse’ got both barrels of county induced slackin on-my-tax-dollar fury. I ground into her like you wouldn’t believe. I told her that what use would faxing it to the refill center do when it was NOT a refill, but they never respond anyways. I told her that I was ashamed to be in the same county as them, that its no surprise that they are going under, and that someone needs to come in and fire the whole lot of them for fucking stupidity. This is unacceptable to take 1 month to answer a 2 second question. I also told her that if I ran MY pharmacy like they ran their institution that I would be out of business in about 2 seconds because of shitty service, but the only reason they are still in business is because MY tax dollars are paying for a shitpot of dead weight that aren’t even fit not only to clean my toliets, but to carry the title of ‘nurse’. I then ended it with ‘SHAME ON YOU’ and hung up. Yes Virginia, I can be an asshole, and consider your day ruined. “The Angry Pharmacist, of all the motherfuckers in the world, you the motherfuckest!”
On a lighter note (a load lightening note no less); while I was taking a shit today, I had an interesting idea. This is sorta DrugNazi‘ish; but ive always wondered what people would do for like a stock bottle of soma or vicodin. Would they eat a potato sack of my shit? Would they shove a champagne bottle up their ass? Would they let me take a dump on their chest, put it in a hotdog bun, and eat it while singing showtunes? Since it’ll never get to that point (I tend to like my license, thanks) I guess i can only wonder.
In closing, i’m grateful (for the public’s sake) that I dont have the ability to kill people with my mind.