Rules to go by when visiting your pharmacy AKA Manners

I get the winners of life coming into my store. Some of them I just want to smack and strangle. Here are some tips for those at home for a delightful pharmacy experience.

  • If you are on the state dime, I expect a “please” and “thank you” when I fill your prescription. Being rude to me while spending my tax dollars so you can pop out more children just makes your Rx take longer to fill, and your vicodin prices get higher.
  • You are free to talk on your cell phone. However if you must do it in the store, please use a quiet voice. If you wish to talk on it loudly while I’m trying to consult you on your crotchfruit’s medication, don’t call me in 5 min asking stupid questions. Nothing makes me happier than to tell you “If you weren’t talking on your cell phone, you would know this.”
  • If you have small children, please watch them. I don’t shit in your house, so I don’t expect your children to tear shit apart in my store.
  • Our garbage cans are not for your dirty diapers.
  • Our outside ashtray is filled with sand so you can put out your cig. It is NOT a place for your child to play.
  • The price I give you for Vicodin and Soma is the price I give you. I could give a rat’s ass if the chain down the street is $1 cheaper.
  • Putting your infant carrier on the counter (with infant inside) and telling my clerks “Watch him for a second while I get money (for vicodin and soma no less) out of the car.” Is not what a “good mother” should do. You should know this by now; this is your 5th. However since you are only 22, I will just assume you’re just dumb.
  • If you are going to insult me, please use proper english. My english isn’t the best, but its better than “you dont ax me where i got dis vicodin at”.
  • Things of a personal nature should be spoken with me in private. Shouting at me “Why does my husbands high blood pressure medication make my his pecker not work” from across the store is going to give you a totally silent pharmacy and blank stares as my insides explode.
  • If you are going to proclaim anything about your husbands “pecker”. Please make sure your husband isn’t standing right next to you.
  • If you are going to bullshit me, please use the same story on different pharmacists. We do compare notes, and we don’t like to be told that your vicodin was stolen one day, and flushed down the toilet by your infant the next day.
  • Shower. Please. For the sake of the world.
  • Let me repeat. FUCKING SHOWER WITH SOAP AND WATER.
  • Call in the number of your vaginal cream tube. Don’t show me how greasy you can get our label.
  • Shower? Please? For your pharmacist?
  • Give me all the information right now.

    Yeah, its been a while since I’ve posted. Sorry about that. Work, drinking, yanno the routine.
    There is one thing that makes me go from zero to postal; not telling me all the information I need to know right from the get-go. This list might be a bit rehashed, but I’m having a really bad week (and its only Monday).
    Examples:

  • When I ask you if you have a new insurance card (and of course you say ‘no’) then proceed to hand it to me after i’m on hold for 15 min trying to get your ID number.
  • When you bring me a bottle that is 15 days too soon to be filled, and I have to interrogate you before you confess that doctor told you to take it twice a day.
  • When you deny and deny and deny you got those pain pills filled at another pharmacy, only to finally come clean when I print out the reject and show you.
  • When you call in for a refill of “all my regular medications”; then have me return 1/2 of those to stock after yelling at me as to why I filled these.
  • When your 13 year old daughter is pregnant, and you yell at me because I didnt check to see if these drugs would effect her pregnancy. What 13 year old gets pregnant? Oh, one that’s on the state dime, thats who.
  • When I ask you if you have any drug allergies, and you say “no”. Then scream at me on the phone an hour later because I should of known that you were allergic to Sulfa drugs.
    I swear, people think that I’m a mind reader.