This particular certainty needs its own section, because its true no matter what. I know my fiance’ is going to murder me when she reads this. This applies to the single male pharmacy population.
She is ALWAYS too young. You wonder if her mother knows she is out flaunting the goods trying to bait guys into statutory rape-ville.
You see the following on her central profile: Valtrex, Acyclovir, Zithromax 1gm x 50 dispensings, PlanB x 3000 dispensings, Birth Control (filled but RTS’d), Prenatal vitamins #300 filled 4 times about 3 months apart and of course, some nice expensive HIV meds.
The largest, ugliest, dirtiest mexican guy walks right up next to her, and they start to violate each other with their tounges right there in front of your staff
Hickeys. Lots and lots of hickeys.
Hot girl walks into your store. Usually they only make themselves noticed during the dead of summer when they are wearing nothing more than a bra and panties. You’re swamped with work (as always) but a quick nudge by your male tech next to you grabs your attention. The transition from a hot summer day to a very cold A/C’d pharmacy makes things.. Uh.. noticeable. You try to keep your mind on work, but you cant seem to keep your eyes off of the hot piece of ass standing there at your counter. You do the whole “look over the top of the monitor” trick to make it appear you’re working and not checking her out.
I know all of the females are going to get upset, but hey, its instinct.
She hands you an Rx, you punch her central profile up, and the certainties start flying:
Suddenly, you are able to concentrate on your work a whole lot more as your soul dies just a little. You can hear your single male tech next to your breathe a sigh as his soul dies just a little bit more than yours did.
There are some things that go on in a pharmacy that are set in stone like the sun rising in the morning. Pharmacy school should publish this list for their students. Seriously, its all true. Lets examine a few:
Drug reps/Headhunters/Pharm Companies/etc will always call you/stop by at the absolute worst time. Much like the tuesday after a three day weekend, or on the first of the month. During the slow times of the month you wont hear a peep from them.
Your most important tech will make a doctors appointment on the tuesday after a three day weekend and be gone for half of the day. You wonder why he/she couldn’t make that appointment for some day when you aren’t contemplating suicide.
The patient who you thought you filled that Rx correctly for ended up having another last name and the same birth-date as someone else in your system. Of course they don’t tell you this until after they have received the Rx and loudly proclaim that you filled it for the wrong person with a store full of people. I mean aren’t we supposed to know that her full name is Maria Consuelo Rodriguez Maravilla Hernandez Guadalupe AIAIAIAIA ARRIBA?
That bottle of expensive-drug-x is exactly one tablet short to fill that Rx, and the patient wants you to order a whole new bottle of #100 so you can fill the balance of 1 tablet. Oh, and the patient is the only person you have on this medication.
Someone will always come into the store with a fistful of Rx’s at exactly 1 min until closing, and want them all right now. This is after most of your staff have already left leaving you alone to do all the work.
Your bazillion dollar counting machine will blow up only when half of your staff calls in sick, and you really really need it.
Insurance cards + correct ID number = HAHAHAH RIGHT!
Argus and Wellpoint will be down, but not at the same time. We cant have you do absolutely nothing all day, so we’re just going to fuck up half of your day.
Your computer system/network/DSL goes out when your computer guy is on vacation.
“This is not the ID card you are looking for” *hand wavy jedi trick*
When you call out a patients name to tell them their Rx is ready, the wrong person will come up and claim it. Then get pissed off because to them “John” sounds like “Steven”.
30 min into a phone call to the pharmacy help desk of the insurance company to get an ID number, the patient will magically pull a current ID card out of his/her ass then wonder why you are upset at them.
The “Nurse” calling in the Rx wont be able to read doctors handwriting, then spend 10 min taking a poll in the front office as to what that sig looks like. Heaven forbid she couldn’t read over the Rx before she got you on the phone.
When looking at a doctors scribble, you will always pick the wrong doctor in your system. We are expected to be able to read sloppy signatures much like we are able to tell our own shit-smear on a piece of toilet paper.
The one doctor who does not know about the iPledge program or NPI numbers is the one you deal with on a daily basis, and the only one that you can’t really tell to go eat a dick.
The pharmacy calling you for copies doesn’t have a pharmacist, and the two-bit clerk who called you doesn’t know their fax number or have any Rx numbers.
A patient brings in lunch for your staff, but you cant eat it because you are up to your eyeballs in work. It smells really nice though.
There is only 1 scoop of coffee grounds left in the container, so you just drink brown water all day.
Last but not least:
That bottle of gin that you were so looking forward to after days like yesterday will be sitting on your bar empty when you need it the most.