You will only find this here at “The Angry Pharmacist(tm)”. It is a smuggled document from the headquarters of a training facuilty (the drug company shall remain nameless) about how to train drug-reps. This is the secret code! Lets take a look:
- Doctor, can I speak with you for a min about a new product?
- Translation: Our patent has ran out on our best selling drug, so I’m going to tell you how much the generic will suck and how our NEWER and BESTER product (which is the same shit just XR after the name) beats the living hoo-hah out of the stuff I was pimping to you as the latest and bestest just 2 weeks prior.
- Here are some studies for you to read.
- Translation: You wont read this shit, and we paid for them so what do you think they’ll say you idiot.
- You know that our new product has 500% better bioavailability and the AUC is 15% higher big-word big-word.
- Translation: You have no idea what the fuck these numbers mean, and neither do I! I just memorize them and spit them out to sound smart.
- I’m going to leave some coupons here so you can trial your patients.
- Translation: We’re gonna fuck over pharmacies so they’ll have to buy a $500 bottle of 100 to get a whole 7 tablets out for the fucking coupon. The rest will just rot and outdate on them.
- All major insurance companies cover this. Its Tier-4 on their formularies
- Translation: Which means its not covered without a prior auth. I know you’re too ‘busy’ to do PA’s so we’ll just fuck over your patients by feeding them samples until they run out, then force them to pay $200/month to continue therapy. Wait, I think the coke dealer did that same thing to me when I was in college.
- Do you have any questions?
- Please don’t be an ex-pharmacist. Please dont be an ex-pharmacist! SHIT! I NEED A DISTRACTION! IT LOOKS LIKE HE’S GOING TO ASK ME SOMETHING!
- Oh, I dropped my pens. Dont worry, i’ll get them.
- Translation: Yes, they are real. I can make them bounce into each other. Look into my mind control device doctor.. Loooooook.
- Here are some pens and notepads for you doctor. I hope you have a wonderful day!
- Translation: Sucker!!!! HAHAHA!
I really do dislike drug reps. However I dislike Medicare Part D salesmen even more! More on that later!