I’ve seen a lot of things come through my workplace. Crackheads, addicts, people with guns, seekers, screaming children, teenage mothers, people who should be in a care home rather than on the street, etc.
However you know what really makes my asshole pucker when I see them walk through the glass doors? You know what makes me want to run and hide the moment they come into my sight?
Old people, with a baggie full of medication.
I know right then and there that if I get suckered into talking with them, there goes about 45 min of my day and the remainder of my patience. Why do the elderly have to be so stupid and so difficult to deal with.
You tell a crackhead that they can’t have their vicodin, and although they may pitch a fit and threaten you, eventually they get the hint and leave. Tell an old person they got their lisinopril filled 2 days ago, and they just stare at you expecting god-knows-what to magically appear in front of them.
Here are some signs and symptoms of oldfartitis:
Females: Usually they will give you the infamous blank stare (AKA: Cow Eyes) and expect you to know exactly what they are thinking. After about 45 seconds of silence and her staring at you, she will finally throw some random curveball at you like requesting refunds for drugs she picked up at another pharmacy. No matter how long you explain to her about Medicare Part D deductibles or how she received 30 atenolol just 2 days prior, it will appear that you are just talking to yourself. The same “Cow Eyes” just stare at you devoid of any sort of knowledge or common sense. Its quite frustrating. Eventually, you’ll use every technique in the english language to say “Okay, you’re done, you can go now” without outright booting her. She’ll pick up her baggie, walk out, and in 30 mins will call you and ASK YOU THE SAME FUCKING QUESTIONS YOU JUST WENT OVER WITH HER!!! Im surprised she doesn’t trip over her cordless phone (and you’re surprised you don’t hang yourself with your phone cord)
Males: Everything is your fucking fault. You are the reason why Hitler killed those jews, why Jag got canceled from channel 12 and why Hometown Buffet and Cracker Barrel was closed last Saturday so they can repaint. In their mind, you have screwed the pooch big time, and the only solution is to sit there and express their confusion via yelling at you. No cow-eyes for them, they just blab their frustration with why they cannot pee and why they have not pooped today right over that counter all over your little white coat. You can show them the video tapes of them coming into your store 2 days ago and picking up their pills and they will STILL yell at you and call you a liar and demand their refills. They squack about their $1 copays each time every time, and you wonder how Mrs Cow Eyes can live with Mr Poopy Pants.
Both of them share one thing: The inability to grasp and understand simple concepts. I’m not talking about people who are on 10 different medications here, I’m talking about 2 pills both taken at bedtime. At what point do you draw the line and say “Hey, listen. No offense, but I don’t think you are mentally capable of taking this lisinopril once daily. Let me put corks on the end of your forks and give you the rounded scissors so you don’t harm yourself”. These patients are super high maintenance, and to be honest I’d rather deal with the scummiest crackhead off the street who can understand what I’m saying.
Its sad that I have to rag on the aging population, however they are pissing away all of my Medicare money that I pay into and will never see, so since I’m footing the bill for their lives I can rag on them all I want.