Retail pharmacy (or working with the public) demands one huge element that most students lack. They don’t teach you this in school (although they should) nor do they even mention this anywhere in any textbook. Its called patience, and as the day wears on my patience dwindles and dwindles.
However some of my patients act like patience sinks, quickly sapping me of my patience reserves and turning me into an angry, irritable asshole until the clock-out bell rings. Since I haven’t done any sweeping stereotype posts in a while that piss people off, heres what you have been missing.
- Old people. Staring at you with those big empty eyes, you wonder what they received from of being alive for 75+ years. They get confused /so/ fucking easily and make you explain things so many times you just wish they would go home and die. The words “fixed income” somehow results in $1.05 being too expensive for their heart medicine as they smoke that $5 pack of camel filters outside of the store. You honestly wish you could tell them “listen, you obviously aren’t mentally capable of taking care of your own medication, do you have anyone else that can help you?”. Wait, Ms Smith is on the phone asking what “Once Daily” means again!
- Mothers with misbehaving children. If you had problems controlling one child, why on earth did you decide that having 2 or 3 more would be a good idea? I used to warn the mothers when their children would scream out of the front door of the pharmacy while she’s looking at greeting cards or earrings. Now I figure that once one gets hit by a car in the busy parking-lot she’ll learn to keep an eye on them. Yeah, I’m a dick, but after warning them time after time to control their kids, you figure that maybe all of her intelligence and common sense was deposited out through her vagina.
- Uppity poor people. Entitlement, entitlement, entitlement. Free, free, free. To them, the world is fucking free and WHY IN THE FUCK are you not giving them trade name medication! Don’t get me wrong; 99% are awesome people who really do appreciate what is given to them by the state and just take their Rx’s without complaint nor bitch. The 1% however are begging for a one-way ticket to reality-check land. From wanting trade-name medications to complaining about their almost non-existent copays, these folk ham it up in the poor department for a slice of the pity-pie. I’m sorry, but I have stopped feeling sorry for you after you dropped $20 in earrings instead of that $1.00 copay for your kids antibiotics. I wish these people would die in an Escalade fire.
- Snobby rich people. I want TRADE NAME HCTZ. They want trade name shit that hasn’t been trade name in 30 years! They want trade name hydrocortisone 1% and trade name prednisone! I wish I could give them generic and charge them AWP +10%. Paying more for something must make it work better. At least someone should get something out of all of the bitching.
- Phillipino Home Health Nurses. Along with being pushy as hell, can’t speak English, and barely know a fork from a spoon; when they finally get done barking out orders to me (like I’m sort of employee subservant dog of theirs) I have to use every ounce of patience to not give them both barrels on the phone. I mean really, do you have to ask me why their blood pressure is up after you told me 2 seconds ago they have a FULL bottle of Norvasc sitting on their dresser? Medication is only useful if you actually take it, so their potassium is not going to magically come down while that unopened bottle of Kayexelate I dispensed 2 days ago sits there untouched. Last one called in orders for Humulin when the doctor specifically told her to call in Humalog, Whoops.
- PBMs (MedImpact, Argus, Blue Shield, Wellpoint). Why did I go into this profession when I’m getting reimbursed less than my pizza boy makes in tips for 1 delivery?
- Addicts. Lie lie lie, lie lie lie, lie lie lie. MY DOCTOR SAID I CAN HAVE IT EARLY. Listen, I don’t have the word “stupid” tattoo’d across my forehead, so after the 4th or 5th time you pull this “doctor said” bullshit (and I call the doctor to find out you lied to me 4 or 5 times), I’m going to stop calling the doctor and just outright tell you no. Yeah, you’re in chronic pain; yeah, your fatsomyalgia is acting up again; but honestly, I can’t prescribe or dispense your dope early! Its not my fault you burned every bridge with every ER and doctor in town who pegged your pills with “MUST LAST 30 DAYS”. Crying to me isn’t going to work either. Sure, I’ll transfer it to another pharmacy, only if you don’t come back. This class of people really drains you as they slowly chip away your sanity and patience. I mean after the 5th phone call to see if their pain pills were approved early you sorta just want to fill them so the’ll leave you the fuck alone. They are worse than nagging children solely because their vote in the presidential election counts as much as yours.
And last, but finally not least:
- My uppity readers. These people somehow think this site is all about happiness or pharmacy-life. Its not. Its about the shit that pisses ME and every god damn pill-pushing pharmacist/tech out there off. If you get offended, here is a novel idea. DONT READ IT. I’m tired of working 8 hours a day in an environment that has deemed it deeply offensive to speak your mind in the name of “Political Correctness” retarded bullshit. I use this site to rant and bitch so I don’t go suck on the shotgun barrel of sanity. So if you feel it necessary to tell me your life story about how you have chronic pain, and post some 40 page comment about how you think i’m an asshole thats fine, however know that I don’t really give a shit about you nor what your biased feelings are about pain management. You’re going to justify that pill-seeking behavior is right and just dispite pages upon pages of pharmacists bitching about it. So next time you feel ranty about how I’m a big meany pharmacist remember that you don’t work in a pharmacy (hell, you probably don’t work period!), I realistically don’t act at work the way I act here (duh), and there isn’t a retail pharmacist out there who wouldn’t stand behind this site and tell you “you’re a dumbass, TAP is right”.