Swimming in the Porcelain Pool

I get a lot of drug ad crap in the mail, but once in a while one really attracts my attention in a real ‘WTF were they thinking’ way.

Take Exhibit A:

Why is my mouth open when I have to poop in a pool?!?

Now Miralax is like Metamucil, it makes you poop.  Now I’m not sure what floats your boat, but if I were constipated and needed something to soften my food-baby, the LAST place I would want to be in swimming in a pool with my mouth open when the brown tide decides to come in.  Is the woman supposed to represent a poop floating in the water?  How does swimming in a pool go with constipation?  Maybe if her skin were dissolving in the water it would be more along the lines of the ‘osmotic effect’.  Maybe the force of the poop is propelling her through the water?  Should the water be going IN her butt?  I took it upon myself with my awesome drawing skills to make this ad more realistic:

Remember kids, when you’re straining like a puppy pooping peach stones, grab your Miralax and head over to the local pool, because nothing gets your bowels moving like an osmotic effect on both sides of the ole turd-cutter.

Angry Tweets for 2010-11-10

  • If this altered Rx was any worse it would have crayon on it. #
  • We've had one siezure, one fall, and a forgery in the store today. All I need is a clown and a carful of balloons to make it complete #
  • Layfolk watching someone have a siezure is interesting. Its like it pushes the panic button. #
  • Oh, dogs just walked into the store. The 4 legged ones, not the 2 legged overweight mouth-breathing "I WANT SOMA" kind #
  • Im starting to believe that I died last night and I'm trapped in pharmacy bizzaro-land. #

Angry Tweets for 2010-11-09

  • #crackheadmonday "DO YA'LL GOTS THE OXYS WITH DA OCs ON DEM? WHAT KIND OF CODEINE COUGH SYRUP AND SOMAS DO YA GOT TOO?" #
  • Getting a > 30 day supply denial makes me happy when you're going to mexico for 4 months. #
  • I'm glad im busting my ass so you can afford to go to another country for 4 months on my dime. #
  • A kick in the nuts would of been more fun than work today #
  • How did we EVER survive without HIPAA, Plavix, trade name Colchicine and that brand new statin! #
  • Bitching to me that you cant find OC oxycontin is like me bitching to McDonalds that the McRib is "Limited Time Only" #

Angry Tweets for 2010-11-06

  • Why do people who are on a fixed income/have no money/always broke ALWAYS have cigs? Why do poor people smoke like a fat chick eats ranch? #
  • Poor idiots & smoking = mullets & trailer parks = hippies & pattouli oil #
  • Yelling at me about a denied prior auth is as productive as yelling at a clerk because your credit card was declined. #
  • If you cared about a job as much as you care about how you look, maybe you'd not be on state aid. BlingBling!! #

Angry Tweets for 2010-11-05

  • Drinking warm Gin out of a plastic bottle cant be healthy. Im probably getting way too much BPA. #
  • Now that I think of it, I wonder if the plastic jug this Gilbeys comes in is BPA free. Oh well! #
  • Watching some of Twitter Trends made me realize that there are a TON of stupid-as-shit people who are on here. #
  • Pt: "I need the medication and my insurance said no and I have no money, what can you do for me" Me: "lol?" #

Angry Tweets for 2010-11-04

  • Wow.. http://www.pharmacyrants.com Lets flog this dead horse some more. Sorry dude, that train left over 5 years ago. #
  • Patient wanted me to RTS an rx so she could get it at another store. Too bad it takes a prior auth that I'm not sharing. #
  • Today the #asshat factor wasn't too large today. This means tomorrow I'm going to want to shoot myself. 🙁 #

Angry Tweets for 2010-11-03

  • My QOTD: "I dont care how many times your Dr TOLD you to test, she wrote three times a day on the Rx. What she told you doesnt matter" #
  • Educated Medical Peeps: See your dumbass patients? Their vote counts just as much as yours. Remember that. #
  • See that idiot who cant understand what "One tablet twice daily?" or that person who thinks #90 at tid lasts 14 days? Their vote = yours #
  • Whoever makes the best TV ad to sway the ignorant masses is the person who is going to win. Welcome to America. #
  • VOTE FOR TAP! I VOW TO MAKE EVERY VICODIN AND SOMA WATSON BRAND AND FREE NORCO FOR ALL! ALL OF THE OXY'S WILL BE OC TOO! #
  • CAN I EARLY FILL YOUR RX? YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN! VOTE FOR TAP! #
  • Clerk just came to me ranting about crackheads and addicts. I lol'd at her and said "Welcome to Retail Pharmacy" #