An open letter to my patients.

Dear patient standing in front of me.

Yes, I mean you.  You standing at the counter eye-fucking my forehead.  Listen, I’m sorry its taking so long to fill your prescription.  I mean you’ve been standing there for a whopping 5 mins not including the time it took my girls to verify that all of the information is correct in our computer system.  I’m very sorry that its taking so long to bill your insurance, be it that you left your card at home a whole 5 min drive away and refuse to get it.  I really wish I could make your day happier, but regrettably I can’t stay in business if I dispense $400 worth of medication to you without some sort of guarantee of payment, and I can probably safely guess that your credit-card won’t be able to take that hit (if you even brought it with you).  Yeah, I hear your sighing as if its some huge inconvenience we are putting you through by actually making sure we get paid for this drug, not to mention checking to see if they will actually kill you or not.  Whats your rush? The 5 other patients that you managed to cut in front of don’t act the way that you do.  In fact, I’m sure your actions have brightened their day as much as you have brightened mine.

I really wish you could see it from my perspective, getting paid $5 over the cost of the medication only to be screamed at because you don’t feel you should have to pay your share of the cost that equates to about a 97% discount for you.  I wish you could see yourself acting like a spoiled child who didn’t get brand name frosted flakes because your mother is on a tight budget.  In fact, I wish your mother slapped some manners and common courtesy into you growing up.

When you snatch that bag out of my clerks hands and storm off like we just pissed in your cornflakes it sucks, not for you but for us.  We work hard to help you, and to be quite honest, we can only do the best we can with what we are given.  In your case you gave us nothing to work on, no information, no help.  Im sorry my crystal ball isn’t working properly today so your prescription took a bit longer than expected.  Your attitude ruined our day, because we have that feeling that we could have done something different to make you less angry, like rub your feet or give you a lapdance.

So I’m sorry patient who is screeching his tires as you leave the parking lot in anger, Im sorry we took so long to fill your prescription.  I hope we can do it better next time.

Oh, and go fuck yourself you worthless sack of shit.

Sincerely,

Your Pharmacist.