The right and wrong reasons to give your pharmacist both barrels

I admit, my shit is far from smelling like I rose.  I fuck up as much as any pharmacist out there (yes, we do fuck up, more than you think and a lot more than we want).

However, you must choose your battles with your pharmacist carefully.

Its sorta okay for you to give me both barrels when you call in “all my regular monthly meds” and I miss that albuterol MDI that you filled 9 months ago because (silly me) I didnt realize it was part of your “regular monthly meds”.  I mean in my world, meaning common-fucking-sense-land, the world ‘regular monthly’ means the shit you take every month; like your vicodin, soma, and the other unimportant non-narcotic shit that you take to keep your sorry ass alive.  Usually I’ll send my apologies (and raise the price on your narcs for next month) and kindly ask that next time you tell me if you need anything that you dont pick up every month.  Oh, and I’ll be sure to remind you of this conversation next month when I fill your albuterol and you scream at me that you don’t need it, and ask why did I fill it.

Fuck I hate not having the power to read minds… Or blow people up with a thought.  I’d be the shittiest X-Men around.

However dont you ever, fucking EVER give me both barrels because your lazy sorry ass didnt realize that you had 0 refills remaining and I haven’t heard back from the doctor (and of course you’re out).  Thats your fucking fault, not mine.  If you want me to hold your hand like your mother, then I reserve the right to slap the living shit out of you for being fucking stupid like your mother should have.

Don’t ever make me drop everything Im doing because you need your hospital discharge meds filled RIGHT NOW that were written a fucking week ago.  You waited a week to get them filled? You obviously can wait for me to get to them after I finish the Rx’s of the people patiently waiting who do have their shit together.

Don’t ever put me in the middle of your fucked up family issues because your ‘caregiver daughter’ (who has picked up your narcs for the last year) decided to sell them to get that new tattoo and you want me to get the drugs from her.  Don’t even get me started with your daughters crackhead boyfriend who ‘stole’ your oxy 30’s.

Don’t ever give me both barrels and throw down the race/poverty/etc card as an excuse on why I wont fill your narcotics early.  Oh, and by early, I dont mean like a day or two, I mean like 2 weeks early.  Race/poverty/etc isn’t a excuse card for being stupid and not taking responsibility for your actions.

Going on vacation? See 0 refills on your bottle? Obviously you planned enough ahead to get plane tickets for your 3 month trip to a far away land yet were mentally incapable of at least giving me a week’s notice to try to get auths for your medications that (you know) you need to survive.  Must be nice to go on vacation for 3 months.

Fuck, I need a drink after writing this.

Back with a vengeance.. Well, not really.

So, here we are again.

Where as the mighty angry one been all these years?  I’ll be honest.  Life.  Thats right, fucking life.  Happens to the best of us boys and girls.  Get married, have kids, and suddenly you’re on statins, getting a colonoscopy, watching your pharmacy infamy die a horrible rotting death, and watching ‘my 600 lb life’ hating that fucking doctor’s gold stethoscope.

Well, that and I just didnt give a fuck anymore about the daily crackhead grind and idiot patients.  I had reached pharmacy-zen where every problem was no big deal.  I expected the early refill bitching and the stupid lost script song and dance.  I expected idiots to not understand they had a deductible first of the year (like the previous 5+ years that they magically ‘forgot’ about).  It’s hard to rant about shit when you expect it coming in the door for 10+ hours a day.

Plus the server the site was on was held together by duct-tape and bailing wire.  I was afraid to post for fear of the entire deck of cards falling down.   No really, it was a strong Go-Lytely fart away from exploding.

Not to mention (I absolutely hate this fucking part) that I had to watch what I post and couldn’t be as raw as I had in the past.  Yeah, censoring yourself sucks.  However since our president is 1000x worse than I am, fuck it trebek!

In other words I’m as full of excuses as your typical crackhead…. Only i’m not hounding you on the phone…. or staring at your face… or wishing you dead… or wanting a gallon of prometh with codeine for my ‘bronchitis’…  Ya’ll got the yellow norcos? I’ll pay cash!

HOWEVER!  That being said, after hearing the calls of help from you all, I dumped money into a server, got my shit together, got a new shitty site layout that will not be 100 years out of date, and decided to MAKE PHARMACY GREAT AGAIN (Okay, so maybe I wont make it ‘great’, I’ll just make it suck a whole lot less)!  Like motherfucking Batman coming out of retirement (actually I think im more of a Deadpool’ish sorta crazy).

Motherfucking #tapreturns (for the record, I fucking HATE hashtags.  Like really hate them.  Twitter ruined the internet.

Enough about my excuses! Here are some tidbits that are in the pipe for ranting:

  • eScripts and how much they make my life hell (complete with image examples of some whacky ones if I can figure out how to strip all the metadata out so people dont get in trouble with the HIPAA police)
  • Docs who take altered C2 Rx’s and say “Oh just fill it anyway”.  Yeah, what the fuck.
  • All the bullshit the DEA makes us do now for stupid Opoids + Soma + Benzos.  As if I did enough babysitting.
  • Just general fucking bitching about DIR fees and other insurance bullshit.