A pharmacist example for non-pharmacists.

Holy shit, its almost been a year.

No, Im not dead.  Just took a small vacation from the site.  Family, work, etc.  It happens.

Ive been going through the (years worth) of comments posted to this site, and from what I can see, they seem to follow a common trend:

  1. Im an asshole, and all pharmacists are assholes.  All of them, but when its time to refill your Norco they are your savior and best friend.
  2. Fibromyalgia is real, I’m an asshole for thinking otherwise.  Santa is also real.  Ever notice how spell-checkers always get hung up on fibromyalgia like its a word that doesn’t exist?  Interesting. (OH COME ON, LET ME POKE SOME FUN)
  3. Tell me your entire life story to justify your usage of pain pills to try to convince yourself that you’re not a crackhead.  If you don’t think you are a crackhead, then you probably aren’t. Convincing the internet with some 10 page paper on how you got hurt, and SSI denied you, and you’re on ALL THESE MEDICATIONS and the mean pharmacist wont refill them early because your crackhead kid’s friend “stole them”, blah blah blah isn’t going to help your issue.

That pretty much sums it up.  Im sad for humanity.

On a lighter note, I want to put something into perspective for those non-pharmacists out there who think we just stand there, drink coffee, and deny your pain pills while laughing manically.  Just bare with me.

Imagine you own a small cell-phone dealership.  You carry all sorts of cell-phones, from the latest Android, to the iPhone, to the big bricks in the bag from back when we all had mullets.  So many fucking cell phones people come in and go “holy fuck! you have a lot of cell phones”.  You also have a big button to make them all ring at once just because you are that much of a badass.  Is your dick hard from cell-phone envy? Mine is; I’m typing this one handed actually.

Anyway, a customer comes in with a letter from T-Mobile.  The letter says “Dear badass cell-phone dealer, please allow my member to purchase ONE iPHONE”.  You happily take the letter, and give your customer a shiny new iPhone.  Your customer is so fucking happy because his baby-momma keeps on calling, and his old phone just isn’t working as well as it should be.  You go to the cash register;

“That’ll be $200 for the phone please” you ask with a smile.

“What the fuck! I don’t have any money! This is supposed to be free! I have a VISA card” the customer yells rudely like you insulted his mother

“Okay, do you have the card so I can process it through VISA?” you respond.

“No.  Call up VISA and get the number for me” as the crackhe..er..customer caresses his new iFre..er..iPhone.

Let me pause the exercise right here.  Would you, as a customer who goes ANYWHERE make the store clerk/cashier/etc CALL YOUR CREDIT CARD COMPANY for your credit card number?  Am I the only one who thinks if you asked this you would be laughed all the way out the front door?  No? Good.  Lets continue.

After 20 mins, you finally get the VISA number of your BELOVED customer.  You punch it into your little device and an error spits out:


Oh shit, looks like Google is fucking Visa.  You gingerly tell the customer that his card will not pay for his nice iPhone because his credit card company wants him to use an Android phone.


You kindly explain that if he wants an iPhone, that he would either have to pay for it, or you can contact T-Mobile to see which Android phone would be the best fit for you so Visa will cover the cost.

The customer throws the iPhone at you, and storms out mumbling that the cell-phone shop down the street will get him his iPhone.  You restock the iPhone and proceed to repeat this same conversation about 4 times before you get to go home.

So the story ends.  That customer was a dick right? I mean it wasn’t the pharmaci..er..cell store owner’s fault that his insur-….credit card company didnt cover his iPho..damn…medications!  I mean what kind of asshole would blow up at someone who is doing their best to help them out?

One word answers this question: EVERYONE.  EVERY-FUCKING-SINGLE-ONE.  Welcome to retail pharmacy, here is your tough skin and alcohol habit.

It sucks to get yelled at, and it sucks even more when you are getting yelled at over something that is 100% out of your control.  If you are one of those “Oh, well they make 100k a year to get yelled at” idiots go fuck yourself.  Any decent human-fucking-being with a soul doesn’t like to be yelled at day in and day out while doing their job of helping people.  Especially when you are getting yelled at while you are trying to HELP them.  The money is there for our knowledge to keep you from doing something stupid and dying, not to be your own personal fucking punching bag.

Its good to be back bitches.

Angry Tweets for 2012-09-29

  • All in favor of putting winning lotto numbers on the Rx label so the pts will actually READ THE FUCKING THINGS say Aye… AYE! #
  • "Have my meds been ok'd yet?" *Looking through 5 non-narcs and one vicodin thats not been ok'd* "Nope, not your vicodin" "DAMN OKAY BYE!" #
  • If you call more than 3 times a day nagging me about your narc refills, you get a complementary CURES report faxed to all your doctors. #
  • You want to fix the profession of pharmacy? Allow us to drink on the job, allow us to charge a restocking fee, and dump gift cards. #
  • No joke, QOTW: "But Walmart filled 240 soma for me last week, why cant I get these from you today." Soma, killing brain-cells since 1959. #

Angry Tweets for 2012-09-22

  • I hate it when random idiots walk up when we call someone elses name as if its them. Learn your fucking name dipshit. #
  • Even my fucking dog knows its own name. Theres no reason why you cant learn how your own name sounds. #
  • And dont give me this "Well its not their native language" bullshit, they know enough to collect a fucking check every month. #
  • Unless you're a fan of giving an idiot someone elses medicine because they walk up all derpy when its busy to someone elses name. #
  • Warning stickers have done more harm to the human race than anything else put together. Way to shit in the gene pool warning stickers! #
  • Jesus fuck its been an uphill day today. Fucking shit be over please. #
  • FUCK! Friday after all the MD's have their phones rolled over. Cue the PITA pt who needs his shit OMFG RIGHT NOW. #
  • Some days all we need to keep from drinking ourselves to death is a smile and a thank you. Thats all. #
  • Okay, tell me twitter, how fucking hard it is to read on your bottle "0 refills remaining"? #
  • Its like we're asking the patients to do quantum physics by calling in early when they have no refills left. #
  • Is it really that fucking hard? They can work the lotto machine but cant read a fucking pill bottle? #
  • But oh, they sure can remember how many refills they had on their fucking vicodin and soma Rx's can they. They call those in 4 weeks early. #
  • I mean for crying out fucking loud, READ THE FUCKING BOTTLE. You can buy the right brand of Cigs so I know you can fucking read. #
  • I swear, sometimes I think the only way to get a simple concept through their brain is write it on a scratcher or a pack of cigs. #

Trying to not kill your patients.

Yeah yeah, I havent been posting.  Lets get the fuck over that and go into how I almost ended a patient’s life today with nothing more than a counting tray, and a glass pint bottle of prometh with codeine (dont even start to tell me you haven’t thought of doing it).

There is a little known fact that when you, the patient, call in your prescription numbers we usually get started on filling them.  Oh, by ‘little known fact’ I really mean common fucking sense.

So when you, the patient, call in 10 rx numbers, you can probably safely assume that we are going to start filling them.  We are going to fill them with staff that the store pays for to fill prescriptions.  The store gets to pay for their employees with money gained from filling your prescriptions.  Again, I realize this is fucking rocket science to some people, but to the majority of the non-paste eaters out there this is as surprising as not-winning when you play the Lotto.

Therefore, when you the patient come in to pick up your 10 rx’s (which if you didnt think they would be filled why the fuck would you come in), and decide to tell ME (of all people) “Oh, well these are a bit expensive can you transfer them to Walmart”  why in the fuck would you would be shocked when I say “No”.  I mean its not like you paid THE EXACT SAME FUCKING COPAYS LAST MONTH.  So this month copays shouldn’t be any surprise you dim-witted sack of shit.  Did the medication-fairy magically make the drugs free? Did we have a bumper crop on the Soma tree so we’re just giving it away now?  Fucking shit I was two seconds away from taking those drug bottles and shoving them up their ass sideways.

Not only that, you have the nerve to glare at me when I say “You know, its pretty rude when you called all these in, we spent all this time filling these, and now you want them to be transferred to a Walmart.  Its like ordering food at a place then sending it back once it gets put on the table saying ‘I’m going to another restaurant because their steak is cheaper’.”  I realize that the concept of analogy is hard to understand with your two brain cells, but the point I’m trying to get through your thick skull is that its a pretty dickish mood to have me do all this work to undo it an hour later.  I don’t give a fuck about your “limited income” excuse that you throw around to get what you want.  Being on a limited income isn’t a license to be a fucking twat and waste the stores “limited income” and my time when I could be helping patients who actually have their shit together.

FUCK.  I feel better now.  Really, no bullshit, I really do feel better.

So to answer the question you all may be asking; yes, I did transfer the prescription.  However I called Walmart and warned them about this dillhole’s antics.  The pharmacist said “Oh I absolutely hate it when they do that, i’ll make them stand here before we even think about starting them.”  Problem solved.  Although pharmacy as a whole is going down the shitter, I’m glad that us, as Pharmacists, are willing to stand up and get even on behalf of each other, especially for uncalled for bullshit like this.


Angry Tweets for 2012-09-13

  • Theres no mistake why Fentanyl, Friend, Fantastic, and Fabulous all start with the same letter. Oh, Versed is good too. #
  • QOTD during my procedure "I need more fentanyl. My face isnt numb and I haven't asked for an early refill yet" <– WTF? #
  • Then I got Versed, and the next thing I remember I was drinking out of a juice box while eating Wienerschnitzel. #
  • I dont remember how I got dressed, the car-ride home. My wife just said that I just repeated "I LOVE FENTANYL" over and over and over. #

Angry Tweets for 2012-09-12

  • Alright bitches, its almost showtime. GoLytely is chillin in the fridge.. The 4 docusate are ready to go, and im fucking starving. #
  • Alright, 4 ducolax are down, time for glass #1 #tapLytely #
  • Oh sweet jesus, this stuff tastes like ice cold piss #
  • Like seriously, this crap tastes horrible, and the flavor packets just give it a nasty after-taste. #tapLytely #
  • I have this sorta full bloaty feeling like my insides are going to have sex with a garden hose any moment. #taplytely #
  • You should see me. Shirtless (dont wanna hold it up the entire performance, pants around ankles, with magazines and OH SHIT. I FEEL SMTHING #
  • fuck you trilyte flavor packets, I bought green gatoraide powder. I want to use a blacklight afterwards to see how bad i splattered the can #
  • Good seal around toliet seat.. CHECK. Good hand holds for leverage.. CHECK. Plenty of TP.. CHECK. Phone so I can call for help.. CHECK. #
  • Pre-Lytely checklist is done. Waiting for launch. Currently waiting on the launchpad. #tapLytely #
  • Almost time for glass #2 The green tint of gatoraide makes this appear half way appealing. #tapLytely #
  • Oh my god its like the incredible hulk just came in my mouth. This shit can't be made palateable! #taplytely #
  • I just ran to get the power adapter to my laptop and a spoon. Its like the hot-potato game but with fluid in my asshole. Daring! #taplytely #
  • Man, I dont like this.. Nothing yet and im almost glass 3 in. When it goes, its going to be like a sewer main breaking #taplytely #
  • Glass 3, this time i actually stirred in the gatoraide and OH FFS WAY TOO MUCH POWDER #
  • fuck pants, im sitting on the can butt naked with just my socks on. I feel like a male porn star. #
  • If my wife comes in seeing me butt naked on twitter with just my socks on, im going to have a lot of explaining to do #tapLytely #
  • Oh damn Gina. I think its showtime! #
  • I swear that APhA should give me an award for the advancement of pharmacy via social media. #tapLytely #
  • glass 4 and nothing.. Oh.. wait.. I think its time for launch? #
  • I must say that #tapLytely is a whole lot more entertaining than the typical twitter politics and 9/11 rehashing thats going on today. #
  • Glass 5. Thats 40oz of fluid in my GI track #
  • My gut holds the same quantity of fluid as a bottle of Old English. Probably tastes the same too. #
  • So for drinking 40oz i dont feel nearly as bloated as you would think #
  • I can see why the non-compliance of this treatment is so high. #
  • I'm going to post a full write-up of my experiences on my site when i get done. Patients need to be informed on what to expect. #
  • 10 min's go by so fast, and the fluid level in this jug goes down so slowly. #tapLytely #
  • I'm still alive. Its pretty anticlimatic. Sit around, asspee, sit around.. asspee. I think the exciting part has passed. #
  • I have never been so afraid to sneeze in my life. #tapLytely #

Rants from the most trusted profession.

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