The Tech Call

On a more lighter side of things, I have noticed a certain phenonemom in my years and years at the pharmacy. Its called, the “Tech Call”. Heres how it goes:
You’re working along after getting a whole 2 min to eat lunch. Obviously you did not have time to chew or even enjoy your food. Compound this with talking all day and swallowing air. You know where this is going, you need to pass some gas.
Thats right, fart. The one joke that never gets old. Nothing is funnier than watching an old man bend over for that bottle of mag-citrate only to rip the loudest fart in the store. You only hope that he didnt shit his pants and have it run down his legs for you to clean up.
Of course while you’re talking with a patient you cant just rip one right there, so you hold it in, and it grows, and grows. Sooner or later it feels like your colon is going to explode and you run the risk of letting it go and having a bit extra come out. The infamous ‘shart’ (which is what they should of named Xenical). So you wait for the opportune time to let loose the beast that is trying to claw its way out. You wait until there is nobody around, spread your legs really fart apart so it doesnt make much noise, and release………. As you feel your bowels deflate….. YOUR TECH WALKS RIGHT BEHIND YOU AND GETS BOTH BARRELS OF POO-POO BUTT DEATH RIGHT IN THE FACE.
Never fails. Its like farting calls your tech/clerk/coworker to walk right behind you at that moment. Its like a dog whisle! Your ass is sending out a supersonic call that says “Hey Tech! Walk across the store and come right behind me for no reason!”
Now a good tech will stifle the whole “oh god” as he/she cuts a swath right through the gaseous death that is hovering right behind you, but a fellow pharmacist coworker usually isn’t that kind. They will say “HOLY SHIT WHAT DIED IN YOUR ASS.” Of course you can do nothing, because you are up to your armpits in work, so you must sit there, hold your breath, and hope it dissapates quickly. All while this is happening the entire store manages to walk right behind you and give you a chuckle or comment about how nasty the fart you just ripped is.
Never fails I tell you, never fails.

11 thoughts on “The Tech Call”

  1. Farts can be slowly and quietly let loose, but there is always the sneeze fart: try as you might, when you sneeze, the fart slips out right after the sneeze.

  2. I was taught something about this when I first started interning. The pharmacist and/or tech would tell everyone that they were going to “check the creams and ointments”. That meant they were going into the topical shelves to fart. When that phrase was uttered everyone knew to stay far away from the creams and ointments for awhile.

  3. I got an office job, so in my walled in cubicle (with a locking door on it too!), I felt the urge to fart, nobody was around so I let it loose.
    Then I realise it is the worst smelling fart I imaged to produce in my short lifespan, so I knew I had to dodge out quickly as possible. As I leave, my manager was walking towards my office and I said, you probably shouldn’t go in my office for quite some time as I smiled and went into the break room for some coffee.

  4. i occasionally have to work with an elderly pharmacist who covers my usual PIC’s emergency when she has to leave early.
    the man has no control of his farts. they slip out like a ninja at any unknown time.

  5. OH MY GOD!!! The best laugh I’ve had in weeks. I have done this. The techs don’t understand when you tell them to stand away. Thanks!!!

  6. We have those fatigue mats and after I rip one (we have way too many people in the pharmacy for me to be discrete), I usually take me shoes and make some squeak noises on the mats. Of course, that may mask the sound, but it does nothing about the revolting stench. On another note of bathroom humor, one time many years ago, I was on the john and it was taking a while. The two songs that played over the radio were “Linger” by the Cranberries and “Respect” by Aretha Franklin. Ironic? I don’t think so. “Did you have to? Did you have to? Did you have to let it linger?”

  7. This post ranks right oup there with your blog on Mag Citrate from a few months ago. LMAO!!! Keep em coming!

  8. How funny….SHART. I just about snorted soda out of my nose.
    Several years ago I had a tech who loved chili-chees Ramen noodles. But they didn’t like her.
    They liked the pharmacy staff even less.
    She would eat them during her lunch break, then 3 hours later…watch out. We would announce “Red Alert” if she let one out. Then the entire pharmacy staff, less Denise, would stand by the pharmacy cashier for 5 or 10 minutes until the smell went away.

  9. I did this once at work, it was absolutely terrible, but I did it right as a customer was walking away from the register, and one of my co-workers walked over to me and said “did you do that?”
    “damn, I think that guy just crapped his pants then!”

  10. Have you ever thought of publishing a collection of your classic posts? If you do, include this one.
    “It’s like a dog whistle!” (snort!!!) lololol

  11. At a pharmacy where I worked, our buzz word was “incoming”-that meant someone farted or one of our “special” customers is at the register.

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