Yeah Im Fucking Back

You read that right. In the famous words of John Wick “Yeah, I think im back!”

“But TAP, you were gone for so long, why are you back?” Glad you asked that question the imaginary person who I just made up!

I’m back because, well… life decided to get hard for me, so I decided to put my head down, get shit done, and now I’m at a point in my personal life and my career that I can dedicated some time to entertaining you all.

Like everything, I got burnt out. However unlike work that I have to deal with to pay my bills and feed my kids (yes, I reproduced, Im as shocked as you are) this site became more of a headache than a benefit. Between lack of new content, a war in the comment section of crackheads who write 1000 word essay on how they aren’t addicted to narcotics (plot twist: they are) and just keeping up with Wordpress updates it became more of a chore than a benefit. Plus 2017 was the start of the trend to cancel people who didnt lockstep with the latest political correctness bullshit (and some of my shit is horribly offensive) so I yanked the site offline.

I actually wrote on twitter (If you don’t follow me, you’re a dick, I’m hilarious) that I was mulling around bringing TAP back for a while. I asked a pharmacist buddy of mine (in real life) if I should. He freaked out because he used to read my shit all through pharmacy school and had no idea it was me. So that settled it. Bugged my old classmate who hosted my website before, changed the back-end (we lost comments on posts but saved the existing ones) and here we are.

This site is going to be for the long ranty bullshit that I cant fit on twitter (or now X? fuck it, if you’re concerned about what a site is called you need a larger problem in your fucking life, try retail pharmacy!). Will it be hilarious and uncensored? Yes. Will it be flooded by fibromyalgia (is that even a thing anymore?) patients justifying their habit? No. You got a problem with what I write? Bitch at me on twitter so everyone can make fun of you. No really, my followers will make fun of you.

So much has happened since 2017 when I last drug my ass to the computer to write something here. Between eScripts being shit worthless, APhA again doing absolutely nothing to help retail pharmacy (oh big fucking surprise there), the endless bullshit of CGM (that’s Continuous Glucose Monitors for you plebs) making patients think they will be cured of diabetes, DIR fees, and the PBM’s basically shoving the cock of kickbacks and outright theft up our asses I have my work cut out for me.

Plus fucking Drugmonkey sold his fucking store so anything he rants about pharmacy is just bullshit. He tapped out so I guess I gotta tap in now… get it? TAP? I did float for Drugmonkey for 1 day, his tech was cute, like really cute, like smoking hot. I actually told him that if he paid for my bar/food tab and a seedy motel room I’d float for him for free. He is really cool (fuck it hurts to type that). I helped him a bunch with his computer system and since we used different wholesalers we’d send each other backordered drugs that we couldn’t get locally. I’m gonna miss his calls that started with “Hey dick i need some help” or me calling his store asking for the socially inept pharmacist. Good times. Still never met him in person, imagine that. He never reads my twitter or my website out of jealousy so he wont see this.

So here are the question I got via email that I talked about on twitter (X?):

Q1: “Do you regret being a pharmacist?"
A1: At times yes, but mostly no. Good days and bad days. Focus on the people you help and not on the assholes. Focus on the assholes and you’ll never help the people who do deserve and appreciate your help.

Q2: “What are you like in real life?"
A2: Im somewhat shy outside of the pharmacy. In the pharmacy I’m forced to be outgoing and actually talk to people. I am fucking hilarious though especially when its crude potty humor. My staff love me. When your techs have worked with you for a min of 10 years (“I’ve been here for 25 years!” -My Tech), they are like your family.

Q3: “When did you realize you were popular”
A3: When people/staff would print/send me my own articles telling me to read them. When I had my mom call me in tears laughing saying I had to visit this website that he was a pharmacist and hilarious. Sorry mom, that was me. When I set a post to publish (via my phone) while I was in Raleys in Reno,NV on vacation and one of them got the email notification and they were just laughing and talking about it. When I would get unsolicited uh, pictures from random techs who were followers on twitter in my email. Bless your hearts.

Q4: “How old are you?"
A4: Old enough to remember brand name Neurontin and I dispensed enough Baycol, Rezulin, Vioxx and Propulsid to kill half the city. I graduated in the early 00’s. Back when we shoveled Vicodin ES out the front door and had Soma with the DAN’s on them. Back before the PBM’s really really killed pharmacy. They only slightly killed it back then, now its a fucking war.

Q5: “Whats your favorite booze?"
A5: Coors Light (mountains gotta be blue baby!), Guiness; dont like hoppy beer. Craft beer is for manbun wearing hipsters who think they are better than everyone else while sporting that degree in some useless major like Liberal Arts or Womans Studies with an unkept shitty patchy beard. You arent cool and nobody really likes you. I’ll drink any hard alcohol that isnt sweet. Love Gin, Whiskey, Tequila.

Q6: “Why does your website look like hot dog shit?"
A6: Find me a decent hugo theme and i’ll change it. Go fuck yourself, I’m a pharmacist not a fucking web designer. I could make a ton more money as a web designer. Then i’ll have to grow a manbun and drink craft beer. Fuck that.

Q7: “What is your most outrageous pharmacy story?"
A7: Funniest is when someone shit their pants in the store, decided to just sneak out, and some little kid stepped in it and thought it was dog poop. Thats on par when someone shit their pants and decided to sit in the waiting area drawing pictures on the floor with their foot with the turd. Im noticing a trend here. There are others that involve armed robberies, gunfights, horrible burns due to opening the radiator cap on a hot radiator (fucking dumbshit), etc. I try to not focus on those. I did shit my pants in the pharmacy on more than one occasion.

Q8: “Why did you start this website?"
A8: I felt trapped. I had just gotten out of 6 years of college working my ass off only to work in the real world and be treated like shit. I wasnt respected, I was lied to day in and out, and really I felt like pharmacy school didnt prepare me for the largest industry in pharmacy, retail. Fuck all my ‘clinical knowledge’ and ‘disease state management’. Thats all as useful as tits on a boar if nobody trusts you or listens to you. I would vent to people and their only response was “Get another job” (yeah thanks assholes, 10/10 advice). I felt like nobody really understood what I was going through, so I did the proverbial shout into the ether at the top of my lungs. Little did I know that people would shout back, then we all formed a loose knit collective of pharmacists and staff who felt the same way I did. I wasnt alone, so I kept on trudging along knowing that I wasnt an outliar, there wasnt anything wrong with me, what I felt was sorta universal among retail peeps.

Fuck this turned into long than I intended to. I’m glad to be back, will be posting more. Follow me on twitter (link below here).